All Characters In This Said Piece Are Factual And Although You Might Not Be Named (And Righty So Shamed) You Are A Force To Be Reckoned In My Story.

Having Said That, Unless You Still Receive 3am Drunken Love Poems Via Electronic Mediums, You Were Unfortunately Just A Spur Of the Moment Obessession. Get.Over.It. Love. Bitterness And Angry Aint Pretty. Be Happy You Are Being Acknowledged.

No Men Were Intentially Or (That) Severly Injuried In The Events Of This Blog. Most Of You Asked For It And Enjoyed The Best Part Of The Experience.

As A Wise Man Once Said, What's Life Without Pain?

Wednesday, 10 June 2009

You're so vain, I'll bet you think this blog is about you. Don't you?

The saga of Vain Man is so long, Mia could of wrote her 3rd year dissertation on it. However, she is currently suffering from a vile case of Man Swine Flu known to womankind, trying to juggle moving flat, dumping her boyfriend, being seduced by an ex-lover who doesn't live in England and being her fabulous self all at the same time.

Mia has recently received abusive hate mail from Vain Man himself earlier in the week with words such as "defamation of character" "verbal abuse" and "substantial damages" being noted on more than one occasion. Rather than consulting her Lawyer Brother about her next move, she is looking for some rather not-so friendly words from her readers.

This weeks task, if you decide to accept is to write a brief letter, word count does not matter, it can as long or short as you wish to Vain Man in regards to his Vain Behaviour. The best entry will be posted AND sent to Vain Man. Any response(s) - he has a tendency to get a bit carried away will be posted. The lucky winner will also receive a lovely gift from lush.com of Mia's choice (it will be lush, the website says so!)

Entries can be sent in email to missmiadickinsonATgmailDOTcom or below in comments. This amazing, once in a lifetime opportunity to insult Vain Man yourself will close at midnight (GMT Darrrling) on Sunday 14th June. Please feel free to be as abusive as you feel necessary!

Now back to the story...

Mia had been seeing The Spartan but she managed to get bored of him very quickly. She was working longer hours and had to get her references done for her University placement in two days and had no idea what to write.

She texted VM since despite his Vain-ness, he was actually intelligent. Some people are street wise, Vain Man is brain wise. It was one of the (few) qualities that attracted Mia to him in the first place. So she went over to see him and spent the rest of the day at his house, sitting by the river and remembering how much she had missed his friendship.It then hit her, that more than anything else in her life, his friendship meant the most.
Whenever Mia was not at University, she would be at work, which was situated behind it. In between working, her classes and on her lunch break, she would see VM. They had quickly fallen back in their old routine and although they hadn't slept together again, Mia could see it on the cards.

Soon the night had come when Mia finally gave into her urges. Til this day, it is the most memorable night in her life and whenever she hears a song of Primal Scream's Screamadelic album, she is back in that room.

When everyone was out for the night, Mia invited VM over. He had already briefly met her Playboy Brother and knew it was Angry Mum's turn. She cooked their favourite meal and watched Easterenders. Neither of them having any interest in it whatsoever and as soon as the last bite was finished, the clothes came off. Caught up in themselves, they never heard the foot steps coming up.
As Mia heard the shouting and the attempt to open the door, she saw her whole life flashing before her. Disappointed Dad wasn't meant to be back for at least another few hours. She mouthed at Vain Man and told him to put his clothes on.
Mia knew she was in trouble. Her parents were aware that she had been sexually active for a number of years and had continuously expressed their disgust at her.
She opened the door to find Disappointed Dad holding a knife in his hand and screaming at her in Punjabi. Vain Man being of Caucasian descent didn't understand a word he was saying. DD told VM to leave and as Mia walked VM to the door she started crying. She could still hear DD screaming abuse at her and before her foot hit the last step, she started shaking.
"What's wrong? What did he say?" Asked Vain Man
"He said he's going to kill me after you leave"
"Is he being serious? He can't be serious"
"There's one thing Ive never told you before. He's been battering me for as long as I can remember. This is like Christmas for him"
Mia then knew there was only one thing she could do.


Gorilla Bananas said...

Now that's what is known as a sticky situation. And I'm not referring to Vain Man's dick. Did he rise to the challenge? I'm still not talking about his dick.

GinaTricoteur said...

Oh! Dear.... Mia really needs to leave home and get her own place well away from DAD. I do hope Dad put that knife down and saw sense!!!

Insults said...

Dear Vain Man,
Why don't you go play hide and go fuck yourself?
Social Whore.
How's that? :)

Auri said...

Mia... time to realize that you are worth more than vain man has to offer hun! But yikes... can't say I'm surprised in your taste in man after hearing about Dad.

Mia Dickinson said...

@GB - Sorry what was the question again? I had to stop myself from physically throwing up in my lap after you put images of VM naked in my head

@GinaTricoteur - Mia has since learnt the lesson and never brings men home full stop. Whether it be hers or others.

@Insults - I thought you would of been more insulting than that!

@Auri - Thanks hun. I think every once in a while we forget how much we actually deserve to be treated in relationships. Disappointed Dad is actually insane. Although he seems to have calmed down since he was arrested