Dial 112 for Help

Mia has not written for nearly a year, not due to the lack of drama in her life, on contrary - the last year has possible been the eventful of them all and so on the eve of her first AA meeting, she has decided to get back out there and clear the air.

Highlights (hardly the correct term) of the last year involve
- Her Russian boyfriend who once rescued her from a hit and run accident, turning crazy and cornering her in their bathroom for 45 minutes with a kitchen knife.
- Being offered 1000e for one night of passion with a complete stranger.
- The return of The Womanizer
- Confront herself with the reality that her anemia will always take control of her life
- Burnt herself out by lighting the candle at both ends and nearly had a nervous breakdown.

The next few posts are not for the faint hearted so if you think you can stomach it, pick up your mug of brew and get comfy because its going to be a rocky ride.

This is now, that was then pt 2

Mia moved to a whole new neighbourhood and couldnt wait to start her new life. At college, she was a whole new person, no one knew her as the tomboy from college. At 16, she was 3 years younger than all of her friends and it wasnt long before she was spending all her time in the local pub. She liked the new freedom she had, although her parents kept tabs on where she went, she realised that between the hours of 9 and 6, she could do whatever she wanted.

She started drinking, normally from 11am until 5pm, when she had to leave and get the bus home. For 6 months, she hid the fact she wasnt going to college from her parents. It wasnt like school anymore and she didnt HAVE to go in, the teachers never harassed her and in some of her lessons, she would go in drunk. In fact, she was drunk in most of her ICT lesson and actually made more sense than when she was sober. She started smoking, possibly to despite her parents and to annoy her father who also smoked.

Until this point, she had never had any guys show interest in her but now, men were coming from left, right and center. She didnt tell anyone she was still a virgin, she hadnt even kissed a boy and went along with stories of pure filth that made everyone think she was some kind of Sex Goddess. Soon came the time when everyone started to fool around with each other and Mia, being at that age she was, wanted to lose her virginity and get it over and done with.

Earlier in the year, she had stopped a tall, blonde, blue eyed boy in the street and exchanged numbers, months later, they bumped into each other and began drinking in the same pub. The boy was a douchebag but Mia soon started to feel stronger for him than any of the others in the group. They would hang out together but he had other things in mind and would constantly be hooking up with other girls. Confused by his actions, Mia decided to go out with his best friend, The Only Indian In The Village. He was not a good looking boy but gave Mia some form of comfort and security. He worked full time as well as studied, although he did the studying less than often and gave Mia her own credit card.

Soon her parents caught wind of what was going on and contacted her college tutor to find out what was happened, when he informed her that she had been skipping college, her parents had her followed for 2 weeks to find out what was really happening. One evening, Mia's father took her mobile phone, her passport and her bank card and told her she was not going to college again. She was housebound and he beat her up so bad that she couldnt walk up the stairs. The next morning, she woke up to be told that she would be driven into college, where she would empty out her locker and inform her tutors she would be returning.

Inside the college, she found one of her friends, whom she persuaded to help her sneek out the back entrance and so she ran, to The Only Indian In The Village's work and told him what happened. For the rest of the day, she hid from her parents and stayed at a friends house trying to figure out what to do with her life. Her parents had contacted the local police saying she had been kidnapped by some guy she knew and they were worried about her and so the next day she had to return to the police station and meet her parents.

Inside the station, her mother whisped to her in Hindi that if she didnt go along with the fact that everything was okay at home, the authorities would put her into a foster home and she wouldnt have anyone left in the world that cared about her. Mia was scared, she didnt want to be alone. She just didnt want to feel like a prison in her own home. She wanted her mother to open her eyes to her father's cheating, lies and violent beatings towards her. She wanted her father to stop being such a bastard and learn to love her but most of all, Mia just wanted to be happy but then again, you cant always have what you want and she was going to learn the hard way...

The biggest bombshell of her life was going to rock her to her very soul.

Alex The Cocaine Dealer Pt 1

One night, Bambi, Boy Bank Hunk and I were out with a few other people. We were in our usual Tuesday night spot, drinking, dancing and coked off our faces. Everything was normal, until we needed more drugs. Bambi ran off to find a dealer as it was her forte to do and I went to go see him and make the exchange. He led me and another girl, whom he said was his girlfriend into the bathroom and took the bag out. He racked up three lines and afterwards shoved his tongue down my mouth. Being in a small cubicle with two other people and grams of cocaine in my pocket meant that I couldn't do much, so I made my excuses and left. A few hours later and Boy Bank Hunk wants us and Swedish Boy to come back to the flat he shared with The Womanizer and continue with the party.

As we got ready to get into the car, BBH spotted Alex, the dealer I had met in the toilet earlier. He told him to jump in the cab with us and come back for the party. At the flat, TW was asleep and was soon woken up by BBH. When he finally walked into the room, in a half woken trance, he said hello to everyone but me. It had been just over 2 weeks since he told me there was no room for me in his life and I had no intentions of speaking to him. As everyone sat around drinking endless shots of vodka, smoking and snorting the heaps on cocaine everywhere, I sat with Swedish Boy. Although I had only known him for 2 weeks, we had bonded very closely as friends and he was due to go back to Sweden to be with his girlfriend. Bambi was sitting on the other side of the room with The Womanizer and BBH had fallen asleep, in need of a power nap.

Eventually TW came over and said hello and tried to grab some attention but at this point, I was too busy trying to shove as much shit up my nose as I could that I didnt care. In the kitchen, Alex and his helper has raked up line after line and decided to start their morning distribution gig which they would of done if they were at home. I sat in the corner, watching them, being polite and asking questions about where they were from and how they know the boys. Alex made it clear that he was interested in Bambi earlier in the night and when she had refused his advances, he turned his attention onto me.

Seeing the fact that I was in TW's flat, steps away from the bed we used to sleep in and seconds away from him in the other room, I freaked out when Alex tried to kiss me again. I made my excuses and left the room. He followed me and pinned me up against the wall, kissing my neck, trying to get me worked up. As I pushed him away, I told him I was with someone else and he should leave me alone. I went off and sat with Swedish Boy while Alex went over and spoke to The Womanizer.

Apparently Alex asked TW what was the quickest way of getting me into bed to which TW replied it wasn't going to happen so he should just leave me alone. Alex walked off in a mood and I told TW I was tired and was going to take a bath. While I was soaking in poor heaven of fluffy bubbles and wetness, Alex had tried to hit on Bambi again and asked TW why she had knocked him back again. The Womanizer replied he didn't know but threw in that he had slept with Bambi in the summer and that he had been with me for the last few months.

What neither of the boys had told us was how they knew Alex and how what The Womanizer had just said was going to change the whole mood of the night.

I should of just stayed in that bath really.

Are we, Arent we?

STOP PRESS: Mia is currently sitting on her balcony, over looking Barcelona's Gran Via. Yes, after a month of umm-ing and aaah-ing, she finally packed her bags and left. She hopes you enjoy her posts while she is here as much as you did while she was in London.

Stoner Boy’s brother had come over from Australia for the week and had planned a massive party. Mia had turned up at the bar to meet the two brothers alongside Boy Band Hunk. The guys treated her like one of the gang and didn’t mention The Womanizer. In the middle of their pub crawl, TW turned up and demanded to know why she was out with his friends. They got into an argument and Mia told him to fuck himself. Deep down inside she knew that he had fallen for her feisty attitude and no bullshit approach. TW disappeared for a few hours, only to reappear when they were at a club. Mia had just met Bambi and was enjoying the company of all of Stoner Boy’s friends. She was drunk and coked up and didn’t care what TW thought and continued to grind with every cute guy in sight and making sure he could see it.

At the end of the night, when they were all sat outside deciding what to do next, she kept getting asking by everyone where TW was. She had no idea and when she went to go find him; she found him sitting in the corner of the club with a friend talking business. She told him that everyone was waiting for him and said goodbye. He told her to go to his flat and that he would be around in a bit but when she got there, the flat was occupied by the boys getting drunk and being loud. She wasn’t in the mood and ended up going home and having a bath. When she got out of the bath, she saw she had a miss call from TW. She called him back and asked what he wanted. He told her to get into a cab and come see him now.

When she got there, she was greeted by Boy Bank Hunk who told her that she should go into the bedroom and talk to TW about their feelings for each other. Still confused by what was going on, she went and sat in bed with him, wondering what BBH was talking about. He asked her what she wanted and whether she wanted to be with him. She wasn’t sure if he was trying to tell her how he felt about her or if he was trying to find out how she was feeling so he could get rid of her. At the end of the conversion, he told her that he was becoming addicted to her and that he wasn’t going to leave his girlfriend and they should stop seeing each other. She left and didn’t see him for another two week in which she tried to forget about him. She had a threesome with two of her friends and still drunk afterwards texted him telling him how much she wished it was him she was fucking rather than someone else.

What she hadnt realised is how much emotion that one text evoked from TW and how she wouldnt stop hearing about it for weeks to come

Why did I do this again?

Back at the flat, they sat up for hours consuming drugs, drinking and talking. TW (and no surprise here) was relatively quite charming. His stories were incredibly interesting and even though he was ridiculously full of himself, Mia had warmed to him. At 10 am, after hours of talking, Mia gave him her number and went home.

Later that night, when he called and asked her what she was doing, she knew what he had in mind and after 10 months of celibacy with The Spartan, she was at the stage where if she didn’t do something about it now, she never would. She dressed and went to the flat. After a few hours of socialising with TW and his friends, they went off into the bedroom, where Mia found two used condom wrappers on the side table that hadn’t been there in the morning. Giggling to herself, Mia thought nothing of it.

Afterwards Mia passed out thinking the night had been a success…all well until she woke up to find TW hugging her tight, telling her that he loved and missed her. Embarrassed by the situation, Mia kissed him and rolled over. All of a sudden she wasn’t looking forward to the morning.

When morning arrived the mood between them had clearly changed. TW was banging on about having to meet his girlfriend and Mia was keen to get away. Both of them claiming they would contact each other; they left and went their separate ways.

A few days later, he called her again and asked her what she was doing. Having only recently moved to Barcelona, she hadn’t had much time to make new friends and decided to go over. Mia found herself in an awkward situation, whereas in England people didn’t introduce their fuck buddies to their friends, TW was doing exactly that. They carried on seeing each and despite the fact that he had a girlfriend, Mia would go over and spent the night. They would get drunk, hang out with his friends, consume drugs and fall asleep. In the morning they would chill out for a bit and go their separate ways. Then one day, all of a sudden, TW called Mia at half 7 in the morning. Slightly confused as to why he was ringing her so early, she went over there, expecting him to in the mood for some early morning sex but when she got there, she found it wasn’t the case.

He had friends from London over and wanted her to meet them. They sat there for hours talking and hanging out. Mia thought it was very odd behaviour but said nothing about it. She had been spending so much time over there that she did what she pleased, she would go have hour long baths while the boys chatted among themselves, she would cook them dinner, clean the flat and TW would even leave her asleep in the morning when he needed to go out.

After only 3 weeks of seeing each other, Mia decided to go back to London for The Spartan’s birthday. Even though they had broken up, she wanted to see him as she was really homesick and just needed to see her friends.

The last night Mia and TW spent together, they got into their first argument. One of TW’s friends had come home drunk while she was alone waiting for him and tried to make a move on her. When she knocked him back, he threatened to hit her and made racist remarks and took the piss out of her, laughing at the fact that TW was around the corner on the phone to his girlfriend.

Mia sat in the living room and waited for TW to get back, she didn’t care that he had a girlfriend; she knew this from the beginning and was only using him to get over how she felt about The Spartan but she wasn’t happy about being picked on because of her race.

When TW got back, she told him that unless he did something about it, she would never see him again. He turned around and kicked his friend out, telling him not to come back. Later that night, he told her that there was no room for her in his life and in rage he spoke to her in a way she didn’t appreciate. She left the flat and texted him telling him if he spoke to her like that again, he would feel her wrath. There was no way she was letting another man walk all over her again…no way but then it seems some things never go to plan.

The Spartan vs Vain Man

Over the next two weeks, Mia and The Spartan saw each other every night, neither of them was working and so would sleep all day and then stay up together at night and stare out at the stars. They would take long walks around their town in the cold, holding hands like love sick teenagers, giggling away and eating ice cream. They would lie in bed and listen to chill out music surrounded by tea lights and make out.

For the first time in ages, Mia found herself opening up about her life without feeling awkward. She told him about her Disappointed Dad who had a habit of lashing out at her whenever they got into an argument. He told her how he used to be a nightmare growing up and was homeless for a while when his own dad kicked him out. Mia could tell that he had been troubled in the past but he had clearly got over whatever had happened and it had made him a stronger man because of it. They spoke about their last relationships and he showed her pictures of his ex. She hadn't treated him properly and in the end he had got sick of her and decided to end it.

Mia finally felt she had found her Greek King after all that ordeal with Vain Man. After a month of seeing each other, they slept together for the first time. Although it was obvious that The Spartan had wanted to happen earlier, he hadn’t pushed her into it but when it did happen, it wasn’t as great as they thought it would be and left them questioning why.

They put it down to first time nerves and felt that they would be fine with time but they soon realised that it wasn’t the case. The sexual chemistry between them was electric but they couldn't ignore the fact that physically they weren’t a right fit. Despite this, they continued with relationship as they were already involved emotionally.

Slowly Mia realised that this was a problem they wouldn’t be able to ignore. They soon went from seeing each other every day to only at the weekends. Then one day they just stopped texting each other. Mia started seeing Vain Man again and ended up moving in with him after Disappointed Dad caught them in the act. She continued to keep in touch with The Spartan and would see him out in the local club. On a few occasions, she would invite him home with her but they still had the same problems.

One night when she was out, she saw a girl she thought she recognised. She asked the girl where she knew her from and soon realised that she was The Spartan's ex girlfriend. Slightly under the influence, she asked her how he was and to tell him he had left his watch around her house.

The girl stormed off...Mia didn't know what she had done wrong.

You think its all over...it is now

Trying to throw a birthday party for a man who hardly talks to you was never going to easy but Mia was convinced that she going to pull it off. Despite all the recent problems, Mia still believed that they loved each other enough to work through them. The week before the party, Mia was sick of pretending that everything was fine with them and confronted him.

Mia was tired of feeling unwanted and wanted to know why he was acting the way he was. In the midst of the argument, he told her he knew about her plans for his birthday and that she shouldn't bother. Hurt by what he was saying, she asked him what he was talking about and how he had found out. He told her that he knew she had been going through her phone and it was only pushing him away.

All of a sudden, Mia saw red and knew that it was the girl that had texted her that must of told him. She demanded to know who the girl was, originally when she texted her, she thought it was the wife of one of their friends that she hadnt met yet. Now, she knew it wasnt her and was convinced that this girl was more than just a platonic friend.

Mia moved out of the flat and stayed with her friend for a few days. She was fed up of the woman she had become, she went from being a strong independent girl to someone who deeply relied on the reassurance from a man who didnt show his love for her. The night before VM's birthday party, they met up in the bar Mia was working in. They sat down and eventually VM told her he wanted to work things out and get back to how they were.

At the party, they both put on an act and fooled everyone into thinking they were happily married but more than ever, Mia felt like she didnt belong there. His parents had bought them a holiday to Budapest in two months time as a surprise and she couldnt help but think they wouldnt make it that far. A week after the party, VM called Mia while he was at work and told her to come see him. In front of the pub where he had proposed to her, he told her he wanted to get divorced and end their relationship. It was one of those moments that she saw coming but she didnt want to believe it was happening. She never thought it was would end like this and kept telling him that it wasnt over and they were still worth fighting for. That night, while she was out, he moved all his stuff back to his parents.

The next month was a complete blur, Mia locked herself in the flat, sulking at the mess her life had become. She knew that there was something going on and didnt know what to do about it. Everyone kept telling her that it was just a phase but she knew it wasn't. Then one night, while she was drunk at a friends house, she told him the whole situation with this mystery women and how she was sure something was going on. Her friend being the computer genius he is, hacked into VM's Myspace and emails and Mia finally found the proof she needed. She found emails from the mystery women and discovered that VM had been cheating on her longer than she thought, it had started before they went on holiday to Barcelona. She thought when he was crying and declaring his love for her it was because he felt guilty about the fact that they were arguing, when in reality it was because he was cheating on her. Mia screamed red murder down the phone when she found out that only one was he cheating on her but he was also signed up for sex on adult sites. The profiles described him to the bone and even had a picture she had taken of him while they were on holiday. In a drunken rage and with the help of her friend, she hacked into all his online accounts and changed his profile pictures to a picture she had on her phone of him completely starkers. She emailed the same picture to everyone in his address phone and all the numbers in his phone. She even sent it to his family.

Eventually when VM found out what she had done, he refused to speak to her. She had finally hurt him the same way he had been hurting her for the last 18 months. The date for their holiday was coming up and although she had paid for some of the activities they were meant to be doing, he refused to take her. The night before they were due to fly, he called her up and told her no one else could make it on such late notice and that she could come with him but only because he didnt want to go alone. The flight over and the first day was a nightmare, Mia's outlook had completely changed. She no longer needed to care about what Vain Man thought and while he was in the toilet in a swanky bar, she got a bit friendly with a cute German. Vain Man being Vain couldnt deal with seeing his wife with someone else and went back alone to the hotel. When Mia finally got back, he questioned her about what she had been doing. She wouldnt give him any answers and led him to believe that something more had happened when in reality, she had gone for a long walk and sat alone by the Castle.

The rest of the holiday passed quickly and when they returned to England, they decided to give each other another chance and work things through without any pressure or complications. They started to date again and remember what it was like to enjoy the company of each other, until one day Mia came across a text from a girl on Vain Man's fone. She confronted him about it and deep down inside, she didnt believe his explanation. This was now the fourth time she had accused him of cheating and she had been right every time before. Not being able to cope with his antics anymore, Mia left Vain Man for good and walked out of his life. 2 days later, on her 22nd birthday, he came over to see her and beg for another chance. She just couldnt bear to get hurt again. A month later, she decided that she loved him too much and tried to give him another chance. One night while he was asleep, Mia looked through his phone and found a text from the same girl. It was obvious that they were more than just friends now and she called her to ask her who she was.

The girl confirmed everything Mia thought and when Mia told her she was VM's wife, the girl denied any knowledge of her. After 30 minutes of crying and pacing up and down the room, Mia physically threw VM out of bed. She gave him no explanation, no excuses, nothing. She threw his clothes out of the window and kicked him out. That day, Mia promised herself she would never let another man treat her like shit and get away with it.

Mia never saw Vain Man again.

New Beginnings

Mia woke up the next morning still drunk, she called her own family and wished them a Merry Christmas, had a long bath and cooked something to eat. As she sat in her empty flat, she heard a knock on the door. She opened it to find Vain Man's mother standing there demanding she come home. Mia couldn't argue with the woman that had been like a second mother to her and decided to go. Back at the house, she enjoyed her first real White Christmas. She got drunk, played monopoly and after avoiding Vain Man for the majority of the evening, she decided to talk to him about their whole situation. VM explained that he had lied about having a girlfriend in Earlsfield to stop Slutty Bitch from coming between them, although Mia didn't believe him, she realised he must of been telling the truth. Slutty Bitch had stopped contacting them and had left them alone. The rest of the night and the festive holidays was spent on Cloud 9. The both of them showered each other with gifts, turned their phones off and shut out the world.

For the first time in their relationship, they were happy. The New Year meant a new beginning. Mia had told him about The Spartan and when Vain Man asked her if they had slept together, she denied it. She didn't want to lie to him but he looked so devastated and the last thing she wanted to do was upset the man she loved. A month before their year anniversary, on a drunken night out with VM's friends, he got down on one knee and proposed. Mia thinking he wasn't being serious, accepted. The rest of the night was spent celebrating, buying bottles of expensive Champagne and very public displays of affection.

A few days later, Mia went and had her long hair cut in a Mod style pixie bob, she thought VM would of been impressed since he, himself is fond of that era. However when he came home drunk later that night, he got into bed mumbling that he didn't fancy her anymore. Like any woman whose man tells her he doesn't find her attractive anymore, Mia didn't know how to handle his rejection.

As their year anniversary approached, she felt that his feelings towards her had changed, he was becoming more irritated at everything. She blamed it on the fact that he was working longer hours without any days off but when he started to go off sex, she knew there was something wrong. Whenever they would have sex, he would cry afterwards telling her never to forget how much he loved her. They went away to Barcelona for a long weekend to celebrate their anniversary but the atmosphere was tense and they didn't have sex once. They had gone from being a couple who couldn't keep their hands off each other and who often were late when meeting people because they got caught up in the act to barely even holding hands in the street when sightseeing. Every time she asked him about it, he brushed it off saying that he was tired and just stressed out.

Mia grew even more insecure in herself, she realised that he didn't find her attractive anymore and started to wear more and more unflattering clothes. She put weight on and didn't bother with her appearance. She grew jealous of when they were out and he would comment on other women. At the beginning, they would women-watch and comment on how stunning they were but now she just wanted to hit him every time. She especially hated the fact that he had taken her to his best friend's birthday without telling her that one of his ex girlfriends would be there. Seeing this tall, curvy girl with long hair made her cry inside. She tried to tell herself that if he didn't want her, they wouldn't be together.

They had planned on having a late summer wedding and both of them were trying to save up as much as possible. Mia was convinced that it was just a rough patch that they were going through and as soon as they were married things would work out. They had both been stressed out with their jobs and just needed a break. Her hair had started to grow and she was desperately trying to make herself look stunning for her man. They had decided to have a traditional Indian wedding as VM was keen on Indian culture, everything had been planned to how they wanted it. Mia doesn't remember much of her wedding day as it was manic and hectic but whenever she looks back at the video, she realises that despite the distance that had been there between them, they looked like a young couple in love and they looked happy and content.

Two months later and VM's birthday was coming up. Mia wanted to go away on holiday but she knew that they couldn't afford the time or money for a break. Instead she confined in her mother-in-law and planned a fancy dress surprise birthday party. While her mother-in-law distracted VM, Mia took his phone and copied all his contacts on her phone. The next day while she was at work, she texted everyone on the list from her mobile telling them the details. Most of the names she recognised but one girl texted back asking her back asking which Vain Man was she talking about as her boyfriend also had a similar name whose birthday was coming up. Mia thought it was very odd and tried to call the number but the girl kept hanging up on her. Mia slightly confused about the situation panicked slightly but tried not to worry about it too much. She had people to call, a cake to order and more importantly an outfit to buy.

She forgot about it and carried on with her day...not realise that she had just come across something that would ruin her life forever...

Vain Man: When boredom leads you into trouble

Exactly a month after their first rendezvous, Mia found herself going through her phonebook. She wasn't necessarily looking for sex, she just wanted to get away from Angry Dad who was doing her nut in.

She finally came across VM's number and called him up asking if she could come over. A brave move seeing that she had been avoiding him since he came over and she had no clue where he lived. VM was unfortunately busy at a gig in Hammersmith but told Mia that she could come around when he got back if she wanted. With a sudden chance of sex on the cards, Mia went home and got ready.

When she met VM at the train station, he was drunk and covered in sweat. This is a smell Mia oddly finds very attractive. Finally in the warmth of his room Mia admired the decor. The walls were covered with posters of The Beatles, Small Faces, The Smiths, Kasabian. One side of the room was rows and rows of cd's and vinyl's. This room was a homage to the 60's and 70's, a new world that Mia had not been exposed to before. Her own father, Angry Dad had only just discovered Whitney Houston.

In true drunken fashion, VM didn't really know what he was doing and at one point bitch slapped Mia in the face with the condom when he was unsuccessfully trying to take it off. It goes without saying that it was another lame attempt to finally get some.

Where had all the chemistry gone?

Mia was debating whether to stay the night and sleep in VM's big strong arms or to go home...unsatisfied again

Mia stayed the night and woke up to be greeted by a gorgeous looking VM carrying warm croissants and sugary tea. She was not expecting this from him at all, she could get used to this and she did. Over the next 3 months, Mia would call VM up when she was drunk and needed some loving. She would go over, spent the night and in the morning leave. They had gotten into a nice comfortable pattern where they would pleasure each other and in between watch DVDs and talk.

Their friendship if they had any in the first place had completely changed, the more time they spent together, the more Mia admired him. He played the guitar and wrote songs. They talked about their broken relationships and where they were heading themselves. VM had decided he was going travelling around Asia for a month in July and Mia was pleased for him. The break up with Slutty Bitch had hit him hard and Mia could see that even months later he was still suffering.

As time passed on and they saw more of each other, they started to hang out rather than just met up only in the night when they were both drunk. Mia would come over and lie in bed while VM entertained her, introducing her to new types of music, comedy she had never heard of and places she had never been. Every time she would leave him, she would have a sinking feeling inside...she wasn't falling for him was she?