Stepping Over That Line

The next day, she woke up to find a text from him saying he was sorry. He called her later that day and wanted to see her, she agreed and went over there. Not because she had fallen for him but because she enjoyed the sex and that was all that mattered. They had bonded, both supported the same football team and both were from London. In their own way, they were both had stupidly high opinions of themselves, the banter was immense, the sexual tension was incredible and secretly Mia loved the drama. He was everything she needed after The Spartan.

As time went on, Mia found out about his problems with his girlfriend and felt as his mistress she should make up for his other half’s lacking. She had no intention of being with him and when she was going back to London, she promised him she would keep in touch with him but after all…he’s a Womanizer and wouldn’t remember her.

A month later, when Mia arrived back in Barcelona, she bought a new sim card and texted everyone her new number. Within seconds, TW had texted her back. He wanted to see her and told her to bring some clothes as she was going to be spending the whole day with him. The rest of the afternoon was spent in bed until he had to go to watch England vs Andorra in the Olympic Stadium. He told her that he would call her when he was finished and that she should come over and spend the night with him.

Before Mia had gone back to London, she had bumped into one of TW’s friends Stoner Boy, whom she had kept in touch with. After the match, TW had decided to go straight home but Mia had been invited out by Stoner Boy for a drink. Not seeing in the harm, she decided to go see the boys and finally met TW’s best friend, Boy Band Hunk who had been living in Italy with his girlfriend.

When Mia got to the bar, she was first shocked to see how gorgeous Boy Band Hunk was, for a moment; she thought to herself and questioned whether she had been sleeping with the wrong friend and secondly, she was confused as how everyone knew who she was.

After a few drinks, Mia went back to the flat and looked after TW who hadn’t been feeling well. That night for the first time, they both realised that perhaps they had crossed that invisible line and were heading into bad territory. That night, they didn’t have sex but fell asleep holding each other and in the morning neither of them was in a rush to get out of bed.

Why did I do this again?

Back at the flat, they sat up for hours consuming drugs, drinking and talking. TW (and no surprise here) was relatively quite charming. His stories were incredibly interesting and even though he was ridiculously full of himself, Mia had warmed to him. At 10 am, after hours of talking, Mia gave him her number and went home.

Later that night, when he called and asked her what she was doing, she knew what he had in mind and after 10 months of celibacy with The Spartan, she was at the stage where if she didn’t do something about it now, she never would. She dressed and went to the flat. After a few hours of socialising with TW and his friends, they went off into the bedroom, where Mia found two used condom wrappers on the side table that hadn’t been there in the morning. Giggling to herself, Mia thought nothing of it.

Afterwards Mia passed out thinking the night had been a success…all well until she woke up to find TW hugging her tight, telling her that he loved and missed her. Embarrassed by the situation, Mia kissed him and rolled over. All of a sudden she wasn’t looking forward to the morning.

When morning arrived the mood between them had clearly changed. TW was banging on about having to meet his girlfriend and Mia was keen to get away. Both of them claiming they would contact each other; they left and went their separate ways.

A few days later, he called her again and asked her what she was doing. Having only recently moved to Barcelona, she hadn’t had much time to make new friends and decided to go over. Mia found herself in an awkward situation, whereas in England people didn’t introduce their fuck buddies to their friends, TW was doing exactly that. They carried on seeing each and despite the fact that he had a girlfriend, Mia would go over and spent the night. They would get drunk, hang out with his friends, consume drugs and fall asleep. In the morning they would chill out for a bit and go their separate ways. Then one day, all of a sudden, TW called Mia at half 7 in the morning. Slightly confused as to why he was ringing her so early, she went over there, expecting him to in the mood for some early morning sex but when she got there, she found it wasn’t the case.

He had friends from London over and wanted her to meet them. They sat there for hours talking and hanging out. Mia thought it was very odd behaviour but said nothing about it. She had been spending so much time over there that she did what she pleased, she would go have hour long baths while the boys chatted among themselves, she would cook them dinner, clean the flat and TW would even leave her asleep in the morning when he needed to go out.

After only 3 weeks of seeing each other, Mia decided to go back to London for The Spartan’s birthday. Even though they had broken up, she wanted to see him as she was really homesick and just needed to see her friends.

The last night Mia and TW spent together, they got into their first argument. One of TW’s friends had come home drunk while she was alone waiting for him and tried to make a move on her. When she knocked him back, he threatened to hit her and made racist remarks and took the piss out of her, laughing at the fact that TW was around the corner on the phone to his girlfriend.

Mia sat in the living room and waited for TW to get back, she didn’t care that he had a girlfriend; she knew this from the beginning and was only using him to get over how she felt about The Spartan but she wasn’t happy about being picked on because of her race.

When TW got back, she told him that unless he did something about it, she would never see him again. He turned around and kicked his friend out, telling him not to come back. Later that night, he told her that there was no room for her in his life and in rage he spoke to her in a way she didn’t appreciate. She left the flat and texted him telling him if he spoke to her like that again, he would feel her wrath. There was no way she was letting another man walk all over her again…no way but then it seems some things never go to plan.

Mia Goes Abroad

The next morning, Mia left without seeing The Spartan. She felt sick as she got on the plane, not only was she leaving him behind but all her friends, a really good job that she loved and her family, whom she had finally made peace with. Everyone was really proud of her and although some had been hesitant about her going, they had come around to the idea. After 10 years of dreaming, she was about to fulfill her childhood dream and yet there was a sadness inside her, she couldn't control. She was scared about whether she would make new friends, fit into the culture and like her job.

The first few days flew bye, she had her job interview which was an adventure in itself (more on that later) she was hunting for a new apartment and trying to budget €80 for a whole month after spending her last paycheck on bikinis and cute shoes. After three days of being in the city and finally having everything in check, she called The Spartan. He was delighted to hear from her and had been missing her. They spoke for an hour and she told him how home sick she was already, she wanted to see him but knew that neither of them to afford to. The next morning, she woke up to find a text on her phone, saying that he had booked her a flight home so they could spend the weekend together. She spent the rest of the daydreaming and couldn't wait.

Leaving him for the second time was worse than the first time. She went back to Barcelona wondering yet again whether she had made the right move and considered moving back to London. She called him every day even though she couldn't afford to, spending the little money she had to buy bulk packs of pasta. She would spent the weekends alone in her flat while her flat mate was away, wishing The Spartan was with her and what they would do in the city. During the days, she would go to see Gaudi's work and feel the taste of sour lemons as she saw other couples, walking hand in hand. She would take pictures and send them to him, describing the history and what he saw, she would write him long love letters and tell him how much she missed him. She called him and asked if he would move out to Barcelona and be with him but all that changed one night in July when she met The Womanizer.

Soon she would fall into a vicious cycle that couldn't be broken by her or The Spartan and that would destroy her physically, emotionally and mentally.

Cant live with him, Cant live without him

The next morning Mia woke up feeling like shit. She laughed at the irony that she couldn't even kill herself properly. She didn't know who to turn to and entered up calling The Spartan. She told him what had happened and within the hour he was around her friend's flat with food, clothes and supplies. That night he held her close while she cried and told her things would be okay. In the morning, he left for work and told her he would call her later.

Mia spent the next two days moving in with her cousin and trying to solve the problems in her life. When she didn't hear from The Spartan for another week, she wondered why. Had she driven him away with all her extra baggage? She called his house but The Spartan's dad kept telling her TS couldn't talk to her. She called his mobile but he wouldn't answer or reply to her texts. After the second day, she gave up and got on with other things she needed to do. She found a job and started to work. Another week later and she texted TS just to see if he was okay and why he was avoiding her. Within seconds, he replied saying sorry and that he was in hospital and had forgotten to text her back. Slightly panicking she called him and asked him what was wrong.

He had been in hospital for 2 weeks, they couldn't figure out what was wrong with him and he had been throwing up blood for 3 days now. He couldn't eat or drink and was on a drip to make sure he wasn't dehydrated. Angry at the fact that he hadn't told her earlier, she insisted on taking the day off work and going to see him. When she got there, she was shocked to see how awful he looked. He had lost a lot of weight and looked really ill. Moments before she had arrived, he had been diagnosed with Glandular Fever, a condition that meant he would spent months in bed trying to fight with his immune system.

TS explained to Mia what it meant and how it would mean he would have to quit his job as he had no energy and would be recovering from it for the next year. She was shocked that it seemed so serious. She told him that no matter what happened, she would be there for him and would look after him even if it meant that she had to quit her job. The next morning, she went to the bank, took all her savings out of her account, got out a loan and moved into a new apartment with The Spartan. She worked from work, between cooking him dinner and looking after him. He spent most of the day and night sleeping, there were times when he was too weak to go to the bathroom and she had to bathe him every evening. She would drive him back to his parents every Friday for the weekend so he could see them and she could get some down time.

For 6 months, she mothered him until he got better and when he felt like he was well enough, he went back to work. As soon as he had the energy to go back to his normal life, he told Mia of his desire to going travelling. He planned to go with his best friend and she couldn't argue with him. Eventually they went back to their normal routine, they were doing everything but fucking and it drove Mia up the wall. She hadn't the fact that they weren't completely intimate with each other. She needed to have sex but couldn't cheat on him, they had agreed to break up every once in a while and go off and get fulfilled by other people but neither of them could do that.

Mia would go out and come home very drunk and force herself onto The Spartan. She didn't just want foreplay, she wanted mad, passionate sex. She wanted him, she needed him. When things didn't work out how she wanted them and she realised that they couldn't have sex, she would start screaming and throwing objects around the flat. She started to hate herself, she couldn't leave him because she knew there was something there, she loved him and wanted him but she hated the fact that they could never be a proper couple.

TS had booked his ticket to Paris for May 1st and as the date approached, Mia found herself torn about her feelings. They spent more time together, she took two weeks off work and they went into London and walked around like tourists, spend hours in bed, watched Red Dwarf and took long baths together.

The night before he left, she got very drunk and went over to his parents house where he was packing. For the first time in their relationship, she told him she loved him and that she would be waiting for him when he got back. He kissed her and held her close. She fell asleep in his arms until he had to get up and go to the airport.

They kept in touch via texts but then they stopped after 2 weeks, Mia tried to calling him but his credit had ran out and she couldn't contact him again. She threw herself into work and tried to forget about him. Then one day, out of the blue, a number that she didn't recognise called her. As she answered, she realised it was The Spartan. He told her that he had missed her and he had been thinking about her all the time. He had been gone three weeks and it seemed like the longest weeks of his life. He was in Barcelona, Spain and loved the city, exactly how Mia said he would. As she listened to his voice, she felt herself being swallowed by the ground when she heard him say he was coming home the next day.

"Did you just say you're coming back tomorrow?"
"Yeah, isn't that great baby? I'll be with you this time tomorrow. I have so much to tell you, I cant wait"
"I thought you weren't coming back for ages. What time is your flight?"
"3pm I land at Heathrow. Why? You don't sound happy baby, whats wrong?"
"I leave London tomorrow at 11am. I'm moving to Barcelona"

And before she could finish the phone cut off, she tried calling the number back but it didn't take incoming calls. She didn't know what to say and cried herself to sleep that night.

Should she stay in London with her man or move to the city she had been dreaming of living in for over 10 years?

We can make this work

When The Spartan answered the phone, Mia melted. All the memories of their love affair had come rushing back to her. She pretended she had seen him out recently and told him she didn't want to come over in case he was with Recurring Problem. He told her that they weren't together and that what happened between the three of them had ruined whatever might of happened. Mia told him about Vain Man cheating on her and held back the tears. He asked her where she was living and she replied that she was back at her parents, down the road from his. They planned to meet up in a few hours and see each other. Mia was nervous and spent the next few hours confused as to what she was doing. She needed a distraction from VM but she also knew that she really liked TS and couldn't fuck things up again.

When they met up at The Spot, the place that was exactly equal distances from each other's houses, they held each other and kissed passionately. Hands everywhere, they hardly stopped for air. As they walked to his house, Mia remembered all the things she had liked about him, his smells, his strong arms, his intellect. Eventually when they got inside, they jumped on each other and explored their hungry bodies. Whereas Vain Man rushed everything and was more about the act rather than the foreplay, The Spartan took his time and controlled the situation. Not knowing how she would feel about sleeping with another man so soon after walking out on her husband, she pushed her fears aside and let go.

When the moment came to it, they realised that they had the same problem. Although they were now able to do it, it caused too many issues and The Spartan complained that he was in pain. The angles and movements meant that there were too many positions they couldn't do. As they spooned afterwards, they spoke for the first time about what was going wrong with them. They decided to give it another go and decided with the right amount of time and care, it would be fine. For two months they tried until one day, The Spartan hurt Mia so much that she had to have stitches.

Then one night, Disappointed Dad threatened to kill Mia once again and she lost the plot and called the police. She had him arrested and her whole family turned against her. Within the space of an hour, she was homeless with no where to go. Not able to go to any of her family or seek any help from Vain Man, she slept rough for weeks on her friends couches and floors. She never once told The Spartan about what was going on and tried to get the council to help her but was unsuccessful. Soon, word spread round her extended family about what had happened and she couldn't take the pressure anymore.

As she sat in her friends apartment, she downed 20 Nurofens and a bottle of vodka. She couldn't cope anymore and didn't want to live. After all, she had nothing to live for...

The Spartan vs Vain Man

Over the next two weeks, Mia and The Spartan saw each other every night, neither of them was working and so would sleep all day and then stay up together at night and stare out at the stars. They would take long walks around their town in the cold, holding hands like love sick teenagers, giggling away and eating ice cream. They would lie in bed and listen to chill out music surrounded by tea lights and make out.

For the first time in ages, Mia found herself opening up about her life without feeling awkward. She told him about her Disappointed Dad who had a habit of lashing out at her whenever they got into an argument. He told her how he used to be a nightmare growing up and was homeless for a while when his own dad kicked him out. Mia could tell that he had been troubled in the past but he had clearly got over whatever had happened and it had made him a stronger man because of it. They spoke about their last relationships and he showed her pictures of his ex. She hadn't treated him properly and in the end he had got sick of her and decided to end it.

Mia finally felt she had found her Greek King after all that ordeal with Vain Man. After a month of seeing each other, they slept together for the first time. Although it was obvious that The Spartan had wanted to happen earlier, he hadn’t pushed her into it but when it did happen, it wasn’t as great as they thought it would be and left them questioning why.

They put it down to first time nerves and felt that they would be fine with time but they soon realised that it wasn’t the case. The sexual chemistry between them was electric but they couldn't ignore the fact that physically they weren’t a right fit. Despite this, they continued with relationship as they were already involved emotionally.

Slowly Mia realised that this was a problem they wouldn’t be able to ignore. They soon went from seeing each other every day to only at the weekends. Then one day they just stopped texting each other. Mia started seeing Vain Man again and ended up moving in with him after Disappointed Dad caught them in the act. She continued to keep in touch with The Spartan and would see him out in the local club. On a few occasions, she would invite him home with her but they still had the same problems.

One night when she was out, she saw a girl she thought she recognised. She asked the girl where she knew her from and soon realised that she was The Spartan's ex girlfriend. Slightly under the influence, she asked her how he was and to tell him he had left his watch around her house.

The girl stormed off...Mia didn't know what she had done wrong.

This Is Sparta!

So earlier in the week when I was trying to figure out how to get over one of my ex's and move on with my life, I hadn't realised that soon enough I would never see one of them ever again. The timing of tonight's events couldn't be anymore bittersweet or perfect if I had written them myself. Not only because I was feeling miserable but also because it's exactly where we left off with Vain Man.

This is...

The Story Of The Spartan

The Spartan has been previously mentioned very briefly. Mia met The Spartan when she was on a break from Vain Man. She had just found out he had been cheating on Slutty Bitch and was determined to get on with her life. One night when she went out with Arty Dominatrix to the local club she spotted The Spartan standing out from the crowd. Knowing she had nothing to lose, she pointed him out to her friend and told her that was her next man.

An hour later, Mia and The Spartan walked past each other and as they did, they both turned around to notice that the other had done the same. Mia went about her night and enjoyed the music and the buzz of the alcohol in her system until she noticed Nightclub Crawler, her ex boyfriend who was a constant fixture on the clubbing circuit. Frustrated at seeing him out, Mia tried to ignore him but he kept coming up to her, trying to wind her up and cause problems. As she stood there arguing with him, The Spartan came up to her and told her he was with the wrong man. She laughed at his very original chat up line and told him that he should of told him that 2 years ago when she had first met Nightclub Crawler.

The next hour or so, Mia and TS sat in the corner in one of the many bars and found out they had a lot in common. They were born only two weeks apart, both loved photography and travelling and lived down the road from each other. They exchanged numbers before returning to their friends, he promised to call her and Mia for once, was looking forward to it. Half an hour later, one of his friends came up to Mia and told her that TS had sent him to tell her that he wasn't hitting on the girl he was dancing with. Mia thought it was an odd thing to be told but then the guy explained that it was TS's ex-girlfriend who had too much to drink and he felt like he should look after her. Mia told him to tell TS not too worry about it, since she is blind and didn't even realise where he was. Mia went home that night not thinking of Vain Man for once and looking forward to hearing from the hunky Greek so had met.

The next night, when she finally felt human again, she received a text from TS. He was asking her what her plans were and if she fancied coming over to see him in a few hours. Mia couldn't remember what he looked like exactly and agreed to it anyways. When she saw him walking down the street to her, her jaw dropped and hit the floor. In front of her stood this tall, olive skinned, skinhead stranger. Unable to contain her excitement, she pinched herself to make sure it was actually happening. Back at his house, they put on a DVD but didn't pay much attention to it. They spent what felt like hours talking about things they had in common, Mia gave him enough information to tease him and make him want more but without giving the game away. When he finally admitted that he had just broken up with a semi-serious girlfriend he had been with for 2 years, Mia sighed with relief. She briefly told him about Vain Man and how he had been able to commit to her. She was left speechless when he told her that he would never be in that situation in the first place and had very straight rules about girlfriends and what defined them. The DVD looped on replay and it was only when the birds started to sing that they realised that it was 4am. They tip-toed our of his house and walked back to Mia's hand in hand. Like a true gent, he kissed her on the doorstep and waited until she was safely inside. Before she had managed to take her coat off, her phone went with. It was a simple "x"

She went to bed with a smile on her face, finally feeling like she had something to be happy about after all the drama with VM. Like they say, good things do happen to those who wait.

New Beginnings

Mia woke up the next morning still drunk, she called her own family and wished them a Merry Christmas, had a long bath and cooked something to eat. As she sat in her empty flat, she heard a knock on the door. She opened it to find Vain Man's mother standing there demanding she come home. Mia couldn't argue with the woman that had been like a second mother to her and decided to go. Back at the house, she enjoyed her first real White Christmas. She got drunk, played monopoly and after avoiding Vain Man for the majority of the evening, she decided to talk to him about their whole situation. VM explained that he had lied about having a girlfriend in Earlsfield to stop Slutty Bitch from coming between them, although Mia didn't believe him, she realised he must of been telling the truth. Slutty Bitch had stopped contacting them and had left them alone. The rest of the night and the festive holidays was spent on Cloud 9. The both of them showered each other with gifts, turned their phones off and shut out the world.

For the first time in their relationship, they were happy. The New Year meant a new beginning. Mia had told him about The Spartan and when Vain Man asked her if they had slept together, she denied it. She didn't want to lie to him but he looked so devastated and the last thing she wanted to do was upset the man she loved. A month before their year anniversary, on a drunken night out with VM's friends, he got down on one knee and proposed. Mia thinking he wasn't being serious, accepted. The rest of the night was spent celebrating, buying bottles of expensive Champagne and very public displays of affection.

A few days later, Mia went and had her long hair cut in a Mod style pixie bob, she thought VM would of been impressed since he, himself is fond of that era. However when he came home drunk later that night, he got into bed mumbling that he didn't fancy her anymore. Like any woman whose man tells her he doesn't find her attractive anymore, Mia didn't know how to handle his rejection.

As their year anniversary approached, she felt that his feelings towards her had changed, he was becoming more irritated at everything. She blamed it on the fact that he was working longer hours without any days off but when he started to go off sex, she knew there was something wrong. Whenever they would have sex, he would cry afterwards telling her never to forget how much he loved her. They went away to Barcelona for a long weekend to celebrate their anniversary but the atmosphere was tense and they didn't have sex once. They had gone from being a couple who couldn't keep their hands off each other and who often were late when meeting people because they got caught up in the act to barely even holding hands in the street when sightseeing. Every time she asked him about it, he brushed it off saying that he was tired and just stressed out.

Mia grew even more insecure in herself, she realised that he didn't find her attractive anymore and started to wear more and more unflattering clothes. She put weight on and didn't bother with her appearance. She grew jealous of when they were out and he would comment on other women. At the beginning, they would women-watch and comment on how stunning they were but now she just wanted to hit him every time. She especially hated the fact that he had taken her to his best friend's birthday without telling her that one of his ex girlfriends would be there. Seeing this tall, curvy girl with long hair made her cry inside. She tried to tell herself that if he didn't want her, they wouldn't be together.

They had planned on having a late summer wedding and both of them were trying to save up as much as possible. Mia was convinced that it was just a rough patch that they were going through and as soon as they were married things would work out. They had both been stressed out with their jobs and just needed a break. Her hair had started to grow and she was desperately trying to make herself look stunning for her man. They had decided to have a traditional Indian wedding as VM was keen on Indian culture, everything had been planned to how they wanted it. Mia doesn't remember much of her wedding day as it was manic and hectic but whenever she looks back at the video, she realises that despite the distance that had been there between them, they looked like a young couple in love and they looked happy and content.

Two months later and VM's birthday was coming up. Mia wanted to go away on holiday but she knew that they couldn't afford the time or money for a break. Instead she confined in her mother-in-law and planned a fancy dress surprise birthday party. While her mother-in-law distracted VM, Mia took his phone and copied all his contacts on her phone. The next day while she was at work, she texted everyone on the list from her mobile telling them the details. Most of the names she recognised but one girl texted back asking her back asking which Vain Man was she talking about as her boyfriend also had a similar name whose birthday was coming up. Mia thought it was very odd and tried to call the number but the girl kept hanging up on her. Mia slightly confused about the situation panicked slightly but tried not to worry about it too much. She had people to call, a cake to order and more importantly an outfit to buy.

She forgot about it and carried on with her day...not realise that she had just come across something that would ruin her life forever...

If Only Every Girl Had A Man Like Vain Man

The next day, when Mia woke up, she had sleep in her eyes, a bottle of vodka in her hand and 32 missed calls on her phone. All of them were from VM. He had come to talk to her the night before but she hadn't answered the door and had left his stuff outside. She texted his mother and told he she wouldn't be coming over for Christmas and got back into bed.

At midday she decided to get changed and go shopping. Since she had no need to buy anyone presents, she would spend the whole lot on meaningless junk she later regret buying. She turned the corner onto the main road where she saw VM. He was sat on the steps wearing same clothes as the night before, holding a bunch of her favourite flowers (Purple Tulips if anyone ever feels the need to buy Mia flowers) and his bags between his legs.

She cried as she explained why she had stormed out and how it made her feel to be in love with someone who was too selfish to let her go. He finally admitted that he had slept with Slutty Bitch before he left to for Asia and that while he was away he realised how strongly he felt about Mia but was too confused as to what he should do. He was convinced that if they became a couple he would ruin it and their friendship would be over.

The both laid their hearts out on the table and VM wanted her to come home to his parents and spend Christmas like they had originally planned.

Mia left to go shopping for to get the presents for his family but before she managed to pay for her shopping, she bumped into an old colleague that worked with her and VM. They discussed their plans for the holiday and when asked what she was doing for Christmas, Mia proudly answered she was spending it with VM and his family.

"Oh how is he? Hows things going with his girlfriend?"

"What girlfriend?"

"The one from Earlsfield"

For the second time in less than 24 hours, Mia found herself kicking VM out of their flat. She was stupid for thinking she could trust him. Not only had he hurt her, he had betrayed her and made her look like a dickhead.

She texted his mother and apologized again, telling her to ask her son for an explanation and with that she found a bottle of tequila and wished herself a merry fucking Christmas.

You're so vain, I'll bet you think this blog is about you. Don't you?

The saga of Vain Man is so long, Mia could of wrote her 3rd year dissertation on it. However, she is currently suffering from a vile case of Man Swine Flu known to womankind, trying to juggle moving flat, dumping her boyfriend, being seduced by an ex-lover who doesn't live in England and being her fabulous self all at the same time.

Mia has recently received abusive hate mail from Vain Man himself earlier in the week with words such as "defamation of character" "verbal abuse" and "substantial damages" being noted on more than one occasion. Rather than consulting her Lawyer Brother about her next move, she is looking for some rather not-so friendly words from her readers.

This weeks task, if you decide to accept is to write a brief letter, word count does not matter, it can as long or short as you wish to Vain Man in regards to his Vain Behaviour. The best entry will be posted AND sent to Vain Man. Any response(s) - he has a tendency to get a bit carried away will be posted. The lucky winner will also receive a lovely gift from lush.com of Mia's choice (it will be lush, the website says so!)

Entries can be sent in email to missmiadickinsonATgmailDOTcom or below in comments. This amazing, once in a lifetime opportunity to insult Vain Man yourself will close at midnight (GMT Darrrling) on Sunday 14th June. Please feel free to be as abusive as you feel necessary!

Now back to the story...

Mia had been seeing The Spartan but she managed to get bored of him very quickly. She was working longer hours and had to get her references done for her University placement in two days and had no idea what to write.

She texted VM since despite his Vain-ness, he was actually intelligent. Some people are street wise, Vain Man is brain wise. It was one of the (few) qualities that attracted Mia to him in the first place. So she went over to see him and spent the rest of the day at his house, sitting by the river and remembering how much she had missed his friendship.It then hit her, that more than anything else in her life, his friendship meant the most.

Whenever Mia was not at University, she would be at work, which was situated behind it. In between working, her classes and on her lunch break, she would see VM. They had quickly fallen back in their old routine and although they hadn't slept together again, Mia could see it on the cards.

Soon the night had come when Mia finally gave into her urges. Til this day, it is the most memorable night in her life and whenever she hears a song of Primal Scream's Screamadelic album, she is back in that room.

When everyone was out for the night, Mia invited VM over. He had already briefly met her Playboy Brother and knew it was Angry Mum's turn. She cooked their favourite meal and watched Easterenders. Neither of them having any interest in it whatsoever and as soon as the last bite was finished, the clothes came off. Caught up in themselves, they never heard the foot steps coming up.

As Mia heard the shouting and the attempt to open the door, she saw her whole life flashing before her. Disappointed Dad wasn't meant to be back for at least another few hours. She mouthed at Vain Man and told him to put his clothes on.

Mia knew she was in trouble. Her parents were aware that she had been sexually active for a number of years and had continuously expressed their disgust at her.

She opened the door to find Disappointed Dad holding a knife in his hand and screaming at her in Punjabi. Vain Man being of Caucasian descent didn't understand a word he was saying. DD told VM to leave and as Mia walked VM to the door she started crying. She could still hear DD screaming abuse at her and before her foot hit the last step, she started shaking.

"What's wrong? What did he say?" Asked Vain Man

"He said he's going to kill me after you leave"

"Is he being serious? He can't be serious"

"There's one thing Ive never told you before. He's been battering me for as long as I can remember. This is like Christmas for him"

Mia then knew there was only one thing she could do.

Vain Man: Its All Over For Now

Mia had fallen from him. It was like watching a mug you had just dropped off the kitchen table falling, knowing it was going to hit the ground but being unable to do anything about it. In conversation, they had both established how they didn't want anything more than a casual arrangement yet she couldn't help but want to see him everyday. She would lie awake at night and watch him sleep. She would think about him when she wasn't with him and whenever Slutty Bitch came up in the conversion, she would crumble inside.

Even though they had been sleeping together for a while, she knew VM still had feelings for SB. He had told her many times and even penned a few songs about her. SB lived on campus where both her and VM went to University, would invite him over and dress inappropriately and it concerned Mia. She was not in a relationship with VM but they had both decided that if either of them would do anything with anyone else, they would tell the other person.

July was fast approaching and she was convinced that whatever magic they had between them would be over once he returned. She wasn't even sure they would keep in touch while he was away. In the last week before VM was going away, they spent every day together. Mia helped him pick clothes for his trip and even helped him pack his bag. Soon came the last night they would spent together, Mia spent the whole day getting ready, she bought lingerie and did her hair the way he liked it.

After hours of lying with each other, VM took her to her favourite restaurant even though he despised it with every inch of his body. They sat there in silence and ate. They both know that what they had, had to stop before one of them got hurt. When they got home that night, Mia cried into her pillow, VM held her tight and told her how silly she was being. He was only going away for a month.

It was only that night that she realised that she was the only one that felt anything in the situation. The man lying next to her might be there in person but his heart was somewhere else...somewhere where she couldn't reach.

While he was away, they kept in touch via email. The increasing amount of emails all indicated to Mia that in fact he had been missing her too and something more serious would happen between them when he got back. Then one night, she bumped into Slutty Bitch, it had been a while since they crossed paths and Mia had not been looking forward it to as she knew there was a chance SB would say something to her about Vain Man. Apparently they had slept together before he left and Mia knew although SB was trying to hurt her, she was probably telling the truth.

She left the club early and walked the mile out of town and into the arms of her ex-boyfriend, The Nightclub Crawler. That night she tried to put aside all her feelings for Vain Man and get lost in herself. To this day, Vain Man does not know of this night and she never told him.

When Vain Man came back from travelling, he never called Mia. When their paths did cross, she confronted him about that night he spent with Slutty Bitch and he denied it but it was too late. In the absence of what they had, Mia had gone out and met someone else. She was now seeing The Spartan and had no intention of being with Vain Man again. He hadn't noticed her worth and in the end she had come out on top, like she always does...that was until one night that completely changed her life where the only person that could make it right was Vain Man.