Birthday Celebrations

The Russian was cute, I had established that. Two nights after we met and I had bumped into him again. The same with the hand on the small of my back move that made me melt. I went to bed with a smile on my face.

The night before my birthday, a Friday and no one wanted to go out, I sat and searched through my phone and called The Russian. He was busy but would call me later, within the hour, I had forgotten and got back into my PJs and curled up on the sofa. He called and I pratically jumped off my balcony with excitement.

I persuaded my housemate, Manic Depressant Girl to come with, I didnt really want to but I felt like I had to and so we went along to meet him and his friends down on the beach. He was at one end and we wanted to go to the another. They had music where we usually go and MDG got pissed off and threw a strop. It was my birthday and I was getting annoyed already. By the time we walked to where TR was, I was well and truely pissed off, not only had I walked for half an hour but I hadnt even had a drink yet. When we finally got there, the bar was about to close and we couldnt get served.

We decided to walk all the way back to where we were as they were opened until 2am. Along the way, Flash Guy called, saying he was back in town for the night since he knew it was my birthday and wanted to take me out. Flash Guy is a nice enough person but is also filthy rich and always bought Bambi and I enough alcohol to take down Africa's population of elephants in the hope that we could fall into bed with him. The honest truth is that hes ugly as sin and it would never happen. I told him I was with people and that he could come join us if he wanted, which he said he would do a bit later.

When we finally reached the beach bar where we first started, we realised that it was about to shut too, so I had now spent a good two hours walking from one place to another, trying to meet people who really should of made their way to where I was and I still hadnt had a drink. MDG decided that we should go home and pick up the camera so I would have something to remember my birthday. Again, we walked the half an hour walk home and slowly with every step, I started to hate myself for stepping foot out of my flat in the first place. I called another friend and told him to come out, now there was 2 guys and 2 girls. Hopefully I could get some alone time with The Russian and get to know him a bit better.

We left out house, camera in hand when Flash Guy called, he was at the bar I told him we were at and he was annoyed as to why we werent there anymore. I had a business proposal for him and needed to speak with him that night about it. He seemed to be more interested in getting into my knickers and when we finally got to the place I told him we were at, he had already left. Feeling like a deer in the headlights of a car, I sat there worrying how I might of potentially ruined a great opportunity to blag an easy way of making some money. For half an hour, he kept calling me, telling me to meet him in random places on the beach, when I finally found out where he was, he wanted me to drop the guys and go out with just him, his brother and MDG. I wasnt prepared to do that and so I left.

As I walked back to the group, The Russian wanted to go meet some of his friends, he was fed up with all this walking around after people and I hadnt even had a drink yet. I was close to tears and when the other two told us that they wanted to go to the strip of bars on the port, he told them we would meet up with them in half an hour.

We walked off and met his Swedish friend and his brother. All of a sudden I was standing with 7 tall, blond Swedish guys. The night had definately picked up, as The Russian spoke to them in Swedish, I wish I understood the language. He was born in Stockholm and Swedish was one of the four languages he spoke.It was just another thing to add to the long list that made him even more sexier. We went off to an after hours bar and sat next to each other, holding hands and staring at each other. The rest of the guys sat there drinking and smoking, TR whispered sweet nothings in my ear and as he saw the lust in my eyes, I reached out and kissed him.

I was melting again and I didnt know what to do next.

Back to Basics...

So enough with the moaning, its now been 5 days since my accident and I´ve already taken the cast off and have been partying all weekend. Yes, I know, I was moaning and bitching about being in so much pain but I´ve found the solution. A great little mixture of weed, booze and painkillers. I´ve been hobbling around like an eejit but its actually worked to my advantage...Ive had tons of cute guys asking me why I´ve got cuts on my face...shame I can´t do anything about it. Back to story time and it´s time you meet my new man.

This is the story of The Hot Russian.

I was meant to stay away from men remember? I promised myself I would move to Barcelona and concentrate on me. Get a new job, make new friends and not make the same mistakes I did last time, falling for someone within the space of weeks and not doing my own thing. All was going well until Tiger mentioned this Hot Russian he knew. He was a younger, hotter, slightly more insane version of Boy Bank Hunk and well, I always had a soft spot for that boy. I harassed Tiger to invite the Hot Russian out. I knew he wouldn´t, purely because Tiger wants me for himself and knew that I would want the Hot Russian and I always get what I want.

One night I made him call the Russian in front of me and when he asked I grabbed the phone. Tiger was right, he sounded hot on the phone but as they always say...cute on the phone, add a stone. I told him to come out, he was busy that night but I was trying to persuad him otherwise. I told him to keep the next night free, knowing that I had already made plans and wasnt going to meet him.

A week later and I needed some guy I knew taken care off and so I called up a friend of mine who normally deals with shit like that. We arranged to meet up for a drink before we went to pay a visit to this guy so I was in a pleasant shock when he turned up with a friend of his...who was stunning gorgeous and happened to be The Hot Russian. As I stood there, half trying to flirt with him, half trying to remember that I was furious with this twat that needed to be slapped around a bit, I realised why Tiger didnt want me to meet him.

After the whole ordeal, we went back for another drink, we ignored our friend and flirted in the most innocent way possible. As we left the bar and the boys walked me to the cab, The Hot Russian put his arm on the small of my back when we crossed the road. For a girl whose had men that treat her life shit, I melted. I couldnt stop smiling to myself and the next morning when Tiger called me and mentioned The Hot Russian, my heart skipped a beat. Apparently, he had taken a fancy to me and Tiger was sure that I would be underneath him by the end of the weekend.

It was my birthday weekend...and I couldnt think of a better way to celebrate.

Back to old tricks

TW's new flat was around the corner from his girlfriend's work. He stopped calling Mia or returning her texts, she was going out with his friends all the time but he had told them not to bring her around. On the odd occasion they would see each other, they would satisfy each other and then afterwards he would sit there in guilt. It was obvious that they were in too deep but TW refused to acknowledge it and kept pushing Mia away. Eventually they just stopped seeing each other all together and she started to go out with BBH a lot and partied hard to get TW out of her system. She was now drinking more than ever and consuming every drug that she could get her hand on.

She was convinced that he had told his friends to keep an eye on her and therefore failed to make any sudden appearances on the rebound scene. The weekend before Christmas, Mia and Bambi did acid for the first time and ended up at TW's house. Although she was under the influence, she noticed that TW was horrible to her in front of people and kept telling everyone that he was trying to get rid of her but she would never leave and get out of his life. Up until now, he hadn’t said anything bad against her, to her face or behind her back. She sat there close to tears as he told her that he needed to be a bastard to him so she would forget about him and move on. She accepted what he said and went home.

She was going to back to London for Christmas and the night before she was flying, she ended up at his flat. As they lay in bed, he felt her tight but didn’t say a word. Mia didn’t know what to think anymore, she didn’t know what to do and she didn’t understand him. He said he didn’t want to be with her but he couldn’t tell her she meant nothing to him.

She was in London for a week before a family argument led to her coming back to Barcelona early. She tried calling him but he didn’t answer. In the end, she gave up; she had moved into a new flat and was spending Christmas with people she didn’t know. Late on Christmas Day, BBH called her up and told her to come out for drinks. When she got there, he told her that TW had just left to go home. Mia assumed it was to be with his girlfriend but after an hour, she was told that his girlfriend didn’t want to spend Christmas with him and that he was alone. After a few hours, drinking with BBH and Stoner Boy, she called TW and went over to see him.

She found him sitting alone in this living room, drinking vodka and listening to Michael Buble. They sat up talking about things that happened recently, the night they had all done acid and how things were going. He was telling her about the new girl he was seeing and although Mia was gutted inside, she didn’t want to show it, she told him how she had broken up with Control Freak and decided she was happy being single. The next thing they knew, the clothes were off and they were all over each other. Afterwards they sat there and TW told her that he hated it when they were arguing.

Mia stayed over for the next 3 days; they didn’t sleep together after Christmas Day but watched DVDs, ate and talked about his relationship with his girlfriend. The New Year was approaching soon on them and he had decided it was make it or break it with his girlfriend. BBH came home on the 2nd day and the three of them sat around eating junk food, chilling and watching DVDs.

Mia had missed this...

Stepping Over That Line

The next day, she woke up to find a text from him saying he was sorry. He called her later that day and wanted to see her, she agreed and went over there. Not because she had fallen for him but because she enjoyed the sex and that was all that mattered. They had bonded, both supported the same football team and both were from London. In their own way, they were both had stupidly high opinions of themselves, the banter was immense, the sexual tension was incredible and secretly Mia loved the drama. He was everything she needed after The Spartan.

As time went on, Mia found out about his problems with his girlfriend and felt as his mistress she should make up for his other half’s lacking. She had no intention of being with him and when she was going back to London, she promised him she would keep in touch with him but after all…he’s a Womanizer and wouldn’t remember her.

A month later, when Mia arrived back in Barcelona, she bought a new sim card and texted everyone her new number. Within seconds, TW had texted her back. He wanted to see her and told her to bring some clothes as she was going to be spending the whole day with him. The rest of the afternoon was spent in bed until he had to go to watch England vs Andorra in the Olympic Stadium. He told her that he would call her when he was finished and that she should come over and spend the night with him.

Before Mia had gone back to London, she had bumped into one of TW’s friends Stoner Boy, whom she had kept in touch with. After the match, TW had decided to go straight home but Mia had been invited out by Stoner Boy for a drink. Not seeing in the harm, she decided to go see the boys and finally met TW’s best friend, Boy Band Hunk who had been living in Italy with his girlfriend.

When Mia got to the bar, she was first shocked to see how gorgeous Boy Band Hunk was, for a moment; she thought to herself and questioned whether she had been sleeping with the wrong friend and secondly, she was confused as how everyone knew who she was.

After a few drinks, Mia went back to the flat and looked after TW who hadn’t been feeling well. That night for the first time, they both realised that perhaps they had crossed that invisible line and were heading into bad territory. That night, they didn’t have sex but fell asleep holding each other and in the morning neither of them was in a rush to get out of bed.

The Story of The Womanizer

This story has been written and re-written a number of times. Not because Mia doesn’t know what to write but because Mia doesn’t know at what angle to write it from. At times she wants to write about her desire for a man so misunderstood that many have fail to know him in the same way she does but then she remember something he did to wind her up and the rage inside her is reignited again. Vain Man compared to The Womanizer was nothing. Womanizer really takes the biscuit when it comes to driving Mia crazy, both in the bedroom and outside of it.

Mia met TW when she had been living in Barcelona for only a month. She was extremely homesick, hated her job and her housemate, whom she had made the mistake of sleeping with. One night after a huge argument, she stormed out of the flat and into town. It was a hot summer’s night in the middle of July. She had nowhere to go, she hadn’t made hardly any friends and her only companion in the city was her best friend from college who had moved there the summer before. As she walked to his work, she was stopped by a man who asked her if she was alright. Not being rude and seeing no harm in replying, she said she was fine and smiled. Surprised that she was English, the man invited her over for a drink with his friend. Mia had nothing better to do and agree, wondering to herself why she was doing it.

As she sat down, she realised that his friend was actually a guy she used to work with a few years ago. The three of them ordered drinks and Mia caught up with her friend. TW kept interrupting them and Mia found him really annoying. He kept asking her what contraception she was using and whether she wanted to head back to his flat and let him give her a head massage. As she sat there, she found herself in a very peculiar situation. It turned out that they were sat outside the restaurant where TW’s girlfriend worked; Mia had strong morals on relationships and cheating. She had never got involved with a man who was with someone else and had no intentions of doing so but before she knew it, the boys were making a move and her friend was telling her to go back to TW’s house. He told her that he was going home to meet some friends and would be around in a bit. Mia trusted his man and went along with TW.

As soon as Mia got into a cab with him, she instantly regretted her decision. She was in a new city, where she didn’t speak the language too well, with a man she didn’t know. As he spoke to her, she found herself edging towards the door, when he tried to kiss her, she barely moved. He soon realised how uncomfortable she was and asked her why. She was convinced that he would hit her or possibly rape her if she didn’t listen to him and she asked him if he would raise his hand at a women. His face changed with rage as he told her that men that hit women needed to be killed.

Automatically, she felt a great sigh of relief. As they sat in the cab and made their way to their apartment, she tried to remember where she was, places to look out for in case she needed to make a run and any metro stations nearby.

What she later found out was the complete opposite of what she was expecting.

Crisis Alert

Today I decided to self-diagnose myself with Bipolar Depression and when I say self-diagnose, I mean with the help of numerous Facebook applications. Let’s set the scene, its baking hot outside, I’m lucky enough to have the week for work yet all I can consume myself with is the thought of my ex. Now for the purpose of today’s blog, this man will stay nameless, purely for the reason that I have no intentions of giving him any pleasure of knowing that I’m still aching for him. I will however, clear the air by saying I am NOT writing about Vain Man. I’m sure many of you (especially Auri who it seems has grown a special annoyance towards VM) will be happy to know.

For once, this break up is not an issue about self-confidence and making me feel good. Too many times, it has been proven that this man still lusts for me. I know I look good, in fact I look better now than I did when I was with him, I just need to stop thinking about him

The ins and outs of the relationship are not important because this tale will be told at a later time. What is important is how I need to get over this bastard without feeling like there is a massive hole in my life when he’s not in it. After much consideration, endless happy hour cocktails and continuous perverted thoughts of every man that crosses me path, I have come to the conclusion I don’t want anything to do with him and I don’t want to be with him again. I didn’t like the woman he had made me become, I never loved him and don’t think I ever could.

So why is it so hard to get over him?

Is it because I know that he’s not good for me and I can never really have him? Or is it because at the end of the day, the power of lust and passion over a woman is stronger than love? How can I still be lusting over someone that I don’t really have a need for in my life?

Sick of hearing new of his daily dalliances, I’ve decided to move on with it and keep busy. Seeing that I still have another 5 days off work to sunbathe, shop and perve, I need hints, tips and anything else that might keep my mind occupied. What did you do to get over your last ex?

Do voodoo dolls really work? Maybe I should burn all his clothes I have and do some kind of rain dance? Any suggestions no matter how crazy or how stupid will help!

If Only Every Girl Had A Man Like Vain Man

The next day, when Mia woke up, she had sleep in her eyes, a bottle of vodka in her hand and 32 missed calls on her phone. All of them were from VM. He had come to talk to her the night before but she hadn't answered the door and had left his stuff outside. She texted his mother and told he she wouldn't be coming over for Christmas and got back into bed.

At midday she decided to get changed and go shopping. Since she had no need to buy anyone presents, she would spend the whole lot on meaningless junk she later regret buying. She turned the corner onto the main road where she saw VM. He was sat on the steps wearing same clothes as the night before, holding a bunch of her favourite flowers (Purple Tulips if anyone ever feels the need to buy Mia flowers) and his bags between his legs.

She cried as she explained why she had stormed out and how it made her feel to be in love with someone who was too selfish to let her go. He finally admitted that he had slept with Slutty Bitch before he left to for Asia and that while he was away he realised how strongly he felt about Mia but was too confused as to what he should do. He was convinced that if they became a couple he would ruin it and their friendship would be over.

The both laid their hearts out on the table and VM wanted her to come home to his parents and spend Christmas like they had originally planned.

Mia left to go shopping for to get the presents for his family but before she managed to pay for her shopping, she bumped into an old colleague that worked with her and VM. They discussed their plans for the holiday and when asked what she was doing for Christmas, Mia proudly answered she was spending it with VM and his family.

"Oh how is he? Hows things going with his girlfriend?"

"What girlfriend?"

"The one from Earlsfield"

For the second time in less than 24 hours, Mia found herself kicking VM out of their flat. She was stupid for thinking she could trust him. Not only had he hurt her, he had betrayed her and made her look like a dickhead.

She texted his mother and apologized again, telling her to ask her son for an explanation and with that she found a bottle of tequila and wished herself a merry fucking Christmas.

You're so vain, I'll bet you think this blog is about you. Don't you?

The saga of Vain Man is so long, Mia could of wrote her 3rd year dissertation on it. However, she is currently suffering from a vile case of Man Swine Flu known to womankind, trying to juggle moving flat, dumping her boyfriend, being seduced by an ex-lover who doesn't live in England and being her fabulous self all at the same time.

Mia has recently received abusive hate mail from Vain Man himself earlier in the week with words such as "defamation of character" "verbal abuse" and "substantial damages" being noted on more than one occasion. Rather than consulting her Lawyer Brother about her next move, she is looking for some rather not-so friendly words from her readers.

This weeks task, if you decide to accept is to write a brief letter, word count does not matter, it can as long or short as you wish to Vain Man in regards to his Vain Behaviour. The best entry will be posted AND sent to Vain Man. Any response(s) - he has a tendency to get a bit carried away will be posted. The lucky winner will also receive a lovely gift from lush.com of Mia's choice (it will be lush, the website says so!)

Entries can be sent in email to missmiadickinsonATgmailDOTcom or below in comments. This amazing, once in a lifetime opportunity to insult Vain Man yourself will close at midnight (GMT Darrrling) on Sunday 14th June. Please feel free to be as abusive as you feel necessary!

Now back to the story...

Mia had been seeing The Spartan but she managed to get bored of him very quickly. She was working longer hours and had to get her references done for her University placement in two days and had no idea what to write.

She texted VM since despite his Vain-ness, he was actually intelligent. Some people are street wise, Vain Man is brain wise. It was one of the (few) qualities that attracted Mia to him in the first place. So she went over to see him and spent the rest of the day at his house, sitting by the river and remembering how much she had missed his friendship.It then hit her, that more than anything else in her life, his friendship meant the most.

Whenever Mia was not at University, she would be at work, which was situated behind it. In between working, her classes and on her lunch break, she would see VM. They had quickly fallen back in their old routine and although they hadn't slept together again, Mia could see it on the cards.

Soon the night had come when Mia finally gave into her urges. Til this day, it is the most memorable night in her life and whenever she hears a song of Primal Scream's Screamadelic album, she is back in that room.

When everyone was out for the night, Mia invited VM over. He had already briefly met her Playboy Brother and knew it was Angry Mum's turn. She cooked their favourite meal and watched Easterenders. Neither of them having any interest in it whatsoever and as soon as the last bite was finished, the clothes came off. Caught up in themselves, they never heard the foot steps coming up.

As Mia heard the shouting and the attempt to open the door, she saw her whole life flashing before her. Disappointed Dad wasn't meant to be back for at least another few hours. She mouthed at Vain Man and told him to put his clothes on.

Mia knew she was in trouble. Her parents were aware that she had been sexually active for a number of years and had continuously expressed their disgust at her.

She opened the door to find Disappointed Dad holding a knife in his hand and screaming at her in Punjabi. Vain Man being of Caucasian descent didn't understand a word he was saying. DD told VM to leave and as Mia walked VM to the door she started crying. She could still hear DD screaming abuse at her and before her foot hit the last step, she started shaking.

"What's wrong? What did he say?" Asked Vain Man

"He said he's going to kill me after you leave"

"Is he being serious? He can't be serious"

"There's one thing Ive never told you before. He's been battering me for as long as I can remember. This is like Christmas for him"

Mia then knew there was only one thing she could do.

Vain Man: Its All Over For Now

Mia had fallen from him. It was like watching a mug you had just dropped off the kitchen table falling, knowing it was going to hit the ground but being unable to do anything about it. In conversation, they had both established how they didn't want anything more than a casual arrangement yet she couldn't help but want to see him everyday. She would lie awake at night and watch him sleep. She would think about him when she wasn't with him and whenever Slutty Bitch came up in the conversion, she would crumble inside.

Even though they had been sleeping together for a while, she knew VM still had feelings for SB. He had told her many times and even penned a few songs about her. SB lived on campus where both her and VM went to University, would invite him over and dress inappropriately and it concerned Mia. She was not in a relationship with VM but they had both decided that if either of them would do anything with anyone else, they would tell the other person.

July was fast approaching and she was convinced that whatever magic they had between them would be over once he returned. She wasn't even sure they would keep in touch while he was away. In the last week before VM was going away, they spent every day together. Mia helped him pick clothes for his trip and even helped him pack his bag. Soon came the last night they would spent together, Mia spent the whole day getting ready, she bought lingerie and did her hair the way he liked it.

After hours of lying with each other, VM took her to her favourite restaurant even though he despised it with every inch of his body. They sat there in silence and ate. They both know that what they had, had to stop before one of them got hurt. When they got home that night, Mia cried into her pillow, VM held her tight and told her how silly she was being. He was only going away for a month.

It was only that night that she realised that she was the only one that felt anything in the situation. The man lying next to her might be there in person but his heart was somewhere else...somewhere where she couldn't reach.

While he was away, they kept in touch via email. The increasing amount of emails all indicated to Mia that in fact he had been missing her too and something more serious would happen between them when he got back. Then one night, she bumped into Slutty Bitch, it had been a while since they crossed paths and Mia had not been looking forward it to as she knew there was a chance SB would say something to her about Vain Man. Apparently they had slept together before he left and Mia knew although SB was trying to hurt her, she was probably telling the truth.

She left the club early and walked the mile out of town and into the arms of her ex-boyfriend, The Nightclub Crawler. That night she tried to put aside all her feelings for Vain Man and get lost in herself. To this day, Vain Man does not know of this night and she never told him.

When Vain Man came back from travelling, he never called Mia. When their paths did cross, she confronted him about that night he spent with Slutty Bitch and he denied it but it was too late. In the absence of what they had, Mia had gone out and met someone else. She was now seeing The Spartan and had no intention of being with Vain Man again. He hadn't noticed her worth and in the end she had come out on top, like she always does...that was until one night that completely changed her life where the only person that could make it right was Vain Man.