Bitch needs a slap in the face!

Mia confronted her mother, her whole life was a lie. If it wasnt bad enough having an awakard childhood and being bullied as a kid, she was now dealing with the fact that she had a secret brother and was a whole year older. The response she got was not one she was looking for. Her mother refused to open up and told Mia it was none of her business. She wouldnt let her open up the past and she didnt want Mia nosey around and trying to find out what was going on.

In the end, Mia gave up. She had too much going on in her own life and really couldnt deal with anymore pressure. She agreed to listen to her parents and move away from the crowd she hung out with. She decided that studying wasnt for her and that she wanted to train as a hairdresser and beauty therapist. She found an internship and worked long hours to stay away from her family, she kept in touch with her best friend from college and eventually found herself warming to the idea of being with him. She was bored and had fallen for Virginity Boy and the fact that College Dropout had a girlfriend made the chase even more exciting.


Mia managed to hide the relationship from her parents for 6 months, she would lie there and stare at the wall while he endlessly thrusted in her, she would listen to his constantly moaning about how unfair life was and pretend she gave a shit. It was the most boring rebound Mia had been dealt. It was coming up to her 18th birthday and Mia was looking forward to being spoilt, it finally meant she could go out and party and not have to worry about her overbearing parents, she would finally be a free spirit and could be the adult she wanted to be but as Mia has learnt the hard way, things never work out the way you want them to.

Mia´s grandmother had cancer again...and she only had a month to live.

If her world hadnt already collapsed, it was going to now.

Alex The Cocaine Dealer Pt 1

One night, Bambi, Boy Bank Hunk and I were out with a few other people. We were in our usual Tuesday night spot, drinking, dancing and coked off our faces. Everything was normal, until we needed more drugs. Bambi ran off to find a dealer as it was her forte to do and I went to go see him and make the exchange. He led me and another girl, whom he said was his girlfriend into the bathroom and took the bag out. He racked up three lines and afterwards shoved his tongue down my mouth. Being in a small cubicle with two other people and grams of cocaine in my pocket meant that I couldn't do much, so I made my excuses and left. A few hours later and Boy Bank Hunk wants us and Swedish Boy to come back to the flat he shared with The Womanizer and continue with the party.

As we got ready to get into the car, BBH spotted Alex, the dealer I had met in the toilet earlier. He told him to jump in the cab with us and come back for the party. At the flat, TW was asleep and was soon woken up by BBH. When he finally walked into the room, in a half woken trance, he said hello to everyone but me. It had been just over 2 weeks since he told me there was no room for me in his life and I had no intentions of speaking to him. As everyone sat around drinking endless shots of vodka, smoking and snorting the heaps on cocaine everywhere, I sat with Swedish Boy. Although I had only known him for 2 weeks, we had bonded very closely as friends and he was due to go back to Sweden to be with his girlfriend. Bambi was sitting on the other side of the room with The Womanizer and BBH had fallen asleep, in need of a power nap.

Eventually TW came over and said hello and tried to grab some attention but at this point, I was too busy trying to shove as much shit up my nose as I could that I didnt care. In the kitchen, Alex and his helper has raked up line after line and decided to start their morning distribution gig which they would of done if they were at home. I sat in the corner, watching them, being polite and asking questions about where they were from and how they know the boys. Alex made it clear that he was interested in Bambi earlier in the night and when she had refused his advances, he turned his attention onto me.

Seeing the fact that I was in TW's flat, steps away from the bed we used to sleep in and seconds away from him in the other room, I freaked out when Alex tried to kiss me again. I made my excuses and left the room. He followed me and pinned me up against the wall, kissing my neck, trying to get me worked up. As I pushed him away, I told him I was with someone else and he should leave me alone. I went off and sat with Swedish Boy while Alex went over and spoke to The Womanizer.

Apparently Alex asked TW what was the quickest way of getting me into bed to which TW replied it wasn't going to happen so he should just leave me alone. Alex walked off in a mood and I told TW I was tired and was going to take a bath. While I was soaking in poor heaven of fluffy bubbles and wetness, Alex had tried to hit on Bambi again and asked TW why she had knocked him back again. The Womanizer replied he didn't know but threw in that he had slept with Bambi in the summer and that he had been with me for the last few months.

What neither of the boys had told us was how they knew Alex and how what The Womanizer had just said was going to change the whole mood of the night.

I should of just stayed in that bath really.

Shut Up And Let Me Go

Two days after she left his house, she received death threats due to her involvement with him. Everyone knew that they had been seeing each other and when TW had gotten into an argument with BBH, he threatened her by putting a knife to her neck, trying to get a point across to TW. Although she had nothing to do with it, she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Having a knife to her neck was the last thing she needed.

In rage, she wrote TW a letter telling him she didn’t need a man like him in her life and he didn’t deserve her. She put it through it this letter box and forgot about it. On New Years Eve, she called him up to see what they were going to do but was told to fuck off and leave him alone. Later that night, TW got into a fight that left him with two broken ribs and a black eye.

A month later, Mia left Barcelona without saying goodbye. She packed her bags, left his clothes on his doorstep and never looked back.

They say out of sight, out of mind don’t they?

***STOP PRESS***

It is my birthday next Saturday (yay me!) and to celebrate, I'm letting all you lovely readers ask me ANYTHING. No matter how rude (in fact, the ruder, the better), how insane or silly. Either a) leave it in the comments below OR if you wish to remain anon b) email me at missmiadickinsonATgmailDOTcom.

Back to old tricks

TW's new flat was around the corner from his girlfriend's work. He stopped calling Mia or returning her texts, she was going out with his friends all the time but he had told them not to bring her around. On the odd occasion they would see each other, they would satisfy each other and then afterwards he would sit there in guilt. It was obvious that they were in too deep but TW refused to acknowledge it and kept pushing Mia away. Eventually they just stopped seeing each other all together and she started to go out with BBH a lot and partied hard to get TW out of her system. She was now drinking more than ever and consuming every drug that she could get her hand on.

She was convinced that he had told his friends to keep an eye on her and therefore failed to make any sudden appearances on the rebound scene. The weekend before Christmas, Mia and Bambi did acid for the first time and ended up at TW's house. Although she was under the influence, she noticed that TW was horrible to her in front of people and kept telling everyone that he was trying to get rid of her but she would never leave and get out of his life. Up until now, he hadn’t said anything bad against her, to her face or behind her back. She sat there close to tears as he told her that he needed to be a bastard to him so she would forget about him and move on. She accepted what he said and went home.

She was going to back to London for Christmas and the night before she was flying, she ended up at his flat. As they lay in bed, he felt her tight but didn’t say a word. Mia didn’t know what to think anymore, she didn’t know what to do and she didn’t understand him. He said he didn’t want to be with her but he couldn’t tell her she meant nothing to him.

She was in London for a week before a family argument led to her coming back to Barcelona early. She tried calling him but he didn’t answer. In the end, she gave up; she had moved into a new flat and was spending Christmas with people she didn’t know. Late on Christmas Day, BBH called her up and told her to come out for drinks. When she got there, he told her that TW had just left to go home. Mia assumed it was to be with his girlfriend but after an hour, she was told that his girlfriend didn’t want to spend Christmas with him and that he was alone. After a few hours, drinking with BBH and Stoner Boy, she called TW and went over to see him.

She found him sitting alone in this living room, drinking vodka and listening to Michael Buble. They sat up talking about things that happened recently, the night they had all done acid and how things were going. He was telling her about the new girl he was seeing and although Mia was gutted inside, she didn’t want to show it, she told him how she had broken up with Control Freak and decided she was happy being single. The next thing they knew, the clothes were off and they were all over each other. Afterwards they sat there and TW told her that he hated it when they were arguing.

Mia stayed over for the next 3 days; they didn’t sleep together after Christmas Day but watched DVDs, ate and talked about his relationship with his girlfriend. The New Year was approaching soon on them and he had decided it was make it or break it with his girlfriend. BBH came home on the 2nd day and the three of them sat around eating junk food, chilling and watching DVDs.

Mia had missed this...

Are we, Arent we?

STOP PRESS: Mia is currently sitting on her balcony, over looking Barcelona's Gran Via. Yes, after a month of umm-ing and aaah-ing, she finally packed her bags and left. She hopes you enjoy her posts while she is here as much as you did while she was in London.

Stoner Boy’s brother had come over from Australia for the week and had planned a massive party. Mia had turned up at the bar to meet the two brothers alongside Boy Band Hunk. The guys treated her like one of the gang and didn’t mention The Womanizer. In the middle of their pub crawl, TW turned up and demanded to know why she was out with his friends. They got into an argument and Mia told him to fuck himself. Deep down inside she knew that he had fallen for her feisty attitude and no bullshit approach. TW disappeared for a few hours, only to reappear when they were at a club. Mia had just met Bambi and was enjoying the company of all of Stoner Boy’s friends. She was drunk and coked up and didn’t care what TW thought and continued to grind with every cute guy in sight and making sure he could see it.

At the end of the night, when they were all sat outside deciding what to do next, she kept getting asking by everyone where TW was. She had no idea and when she went to go find him; she found him sitting in the corner of the club with a friend talking business. She told him that everyone was waiting for him and said goodbye. He told her to go to his flat and that he would be around in a bit but when she got there, the flat was occupied by the boys getting drunk and being loud. She wasn’t in the mood and ended up going home and having a bath. When she got out of the bath, she saw she had a miss call from TW. She called him back and asked what he wanted. He told her to get into a cab and come see him now.

When she got there, she was greeted by Boy Bank Hunk who told her that she should go into the bedroom and talk to TW about their feelings for each other. Still confused by what was going on, she went and sat in bed with him, wondering what BBH was talking about. He asked her what she wanted and whether she wanted to be with him. She wasn’t sure if he was trying to tell her how he felt about her or if he was trying to find out how she was feeling so he could get rid of her. At the end of the conversion, he told her that he was becoming addicted to her and that he wasn’t going to leave his girlfriend and they should stop seeing each other. She left and didn’t see him for another two week in which she tried to forget about him. She had a threesome with two of her friends and still drunk afterwards texted him telling him how much she wished it was him she was fucking rather than someone else.

What she hadnt realised is how much emotion that one text evoked from TW and how she wouldnt stop hearing about it for weeks to come

Werent we meant to avoid each other?

One night when Mia was meant to be meeting Stoner Boy, she bumped into The Womanizer in the street. They briefly spoke before he insisted that they go into a bar and have a drink. He took her to a place where he told her, he takes his girlfriend and a round of drinks costs €20. The bar was underneath a restaurant and had a very romantic feel to it, at midnight, karaoke started accompanied with a baby piano. At some point, TW left her at the bar, sang a few songs and started to chat up other women in front of her, trying to get a reaction. But Mia being Mia and knowing what men are like ignored him and his advances towards other women. After all, he wasn’t her man was he? He could do whatever he wanted.

While she was in the toilet, TW disappeared and left the bar without telling her. After searching for him, she called his mobile to ask him where he was. He shouted at her, telling her that he hated her because he realised he liked her and he shouldn’t do. She had done again and made the mistake of getting involved with someone who not only had a girlfriend but also couldn’t deal with his own emotions.

Mia should of left things there and then but she didn’t, she ignored the signs and carried on seeing him. One night, he called her up and wanted to come over and see her. He had never been to her flat and she never allowed men over unless she was serious with them. Out of all the men she had been involved with, only Vain Man and The Spartan had been in her home and that was only because she had lived with them.

They spent all night talking in between hours of sex and in the morning Mia woke him up with breakfast in bed. As they sat there in silence, there was a sense of panic between them. Without saying anything to each other, they both knew that they shouldn’t be doing this and when TW’s girlfriend called him, Mia decided that it was over and she would never see him again. When he left her that day, she deleted his number and got on with her day.

How hard could it be to ignore him in the city?

Cant live with him, Cant live without him

The next morning Mia woke up feeling like shit. She laughed at the irony that she couldn't even kill herself properly. She didn't know who to turn to and entered up calling The Spartan. She told him what had happened and within the hour he was around her friend's flat with food, clothes and supplies. That night he held her close while she cried and told her things would be okay. In the morning, he left for work and told her he would call her later.

Mia spent the next two days moving in with her cousin and trying to solve the problems in her life. When she didn't hear from The Spartan for another week, she wondered why. Had she driven him away with all her extra baggage? She called his house but The Spartan's dad kept telling her TS couldn't talk to her. She called his mobile but he wouldn't answer or reply to her texts. After the second day, she gave up and got on with other things she needed to do. She found a job and started to work. Another week later and she texted TS just to see if he was okay and why he was avoiding her. Within seconds, he replied saying sorry and that he was in hospital and had forgotten to text her back. Slightly panicking she called him and asked him what was wrong.

He had been in hospital for 2 weeks, they couldn't figure out what was wrong with him and he had been throwing up blood for 3 days now. He couldn't eat or drink and was on a drip to make sure he wasn't dehydrated. Angry at the fact that he hadn't told her earlier, she insisted on taking the day off work and going to see him. When she got there, she was shocked to see how awful he looked. He had lost a lot of weight and looked really ill. Moments before she had arrived, he had been diagnosed with Glandular Fever, a condition that meant he would spent months in bed trying to fight with his immune system.

TS explained to Mia what it meant and how it would mean he would have to quit his job as he had no energy and would be recovering from it for the next year. She was shocked that it seemed so serious. She told him that no matter what happened, she would be there for him and would look after him even if it meant that she had to quit her job. The next morning, she went to the bank, took all her savings out of her account, got out a loan and moved into a new apartment with The Spartan. She worked from work, between cooking him dinner and looking after him. He spent most of the day and night sleeping, there were times when he was too weak to go to the bathroom and she had to bathe him every evening. She would drive him back to his parents every Friday for the weekend so he could see them and she could get some down time.

For 6 months, she mothered him until he got better and when he felt like he was well enough, he went back to work. As soon as he had the energy to go back to his normal life, he told Mia of his desire to going travelling. He planned to go with his best friend and she couldn't argue with him. Eventually they went back to their normal routine, they were doing everything but fucking and it drove Mia up the wall. She hadn't the fact that they weren't completely intimate with each other. She needed to have sex but couldn't cheat on him, they had agreed to break up every once in a while and go off and get fulfilled by other people but neither of them could do that.

Mia would go out and come home very drunk and force herself onto The Spartan. She didn't just want foreplay, she wanted mad, passionate sex. She wanted him, she needed him. When things didn't work out how she wanted them and she realised that they couldn't have sex, she would start screaming and throwing objects around the flat. She started to hate herself, she couldn't leave him because she knew there was something there, she loved him and wanted him but she hated the fact that they could never be a proper couple.

TS had booked his ticket to Paris for May 1st and as the date approached, Mia found herself torn about her feelings. They spent more time together, she took two weeks off work and they went into London and walked around like tourists, spend hours in bed, watched Red Dwarf and took long baths together.

The night before he left, she got very drunk and went over to his parents house where he was packing. For the first time in their relationship, she told him she loved him and that she would be waiting for him when he got back. He kissed her and held her close. She fell asleep in his arms until he had to get up and go to the airport.

They kept in touch via texts but then they stopped after 2 weeks, Mia tried to calling him but his credit had ran out and she couldn't contact him again. She threw herself into work and tried to forget about him. Then one day, out of the blue, a number that she didn't recognise called her. As she answered, she realised it was The Spartan. He told her that he had missed her and he had been thinking about her all the time. He had been gone three weeks and it seemed like the longest weeks of his life. He was in Barcelona, Spain and loved the city, exactly how Mia said he would. As she listened to his voice, she felt herself being swallowed by the ground when she heard him say he was coming home the next day.

"Did you just say you're coming back tomorrow?"
"Yeah, isn't that great baby? I'll be with you this time tomorrow. I have so much to tell you, I cant wait"
"I thought you weren't coming back for ages. What time is your flight?"
"3pm I land at Heathrow. Why? You don't sound happy baby, whats wrong?"
"I leave London tomorrow at 11am. I'm moving to Barcelona"

And before she could finish the phone cut off, she tried calling the number back but it didn't take incoming calls. She didn't know what to say and cried herself to sleep that night.

Should she stay in London with her man or move to the city she had been dreaming of living in for over 10 years?

We can make this work

When The Spartan answered the phone, Mia melted. All the memories of their love affair had come rushing back to her. She pretended she had seen him out recently and told him she didn't want to come over in case he was with Recurring Problem. He told her that they weren't together and that what happened between the three of them had ruined whatever might of happened. Mia told him about Vain Man cheating on her and held back the tears. He asked her where she was living and she replied that she was back at her parents, down the road from his. They planned to meet up in a few hours and see each other. Mia was nervous and spent the next few hours confused as to what she was doing. She needed a distraction from VM but she also knew that she really liked TS and couldn't fuck things up again.

When they met up at The Spot, the place that was exactly equal distances from each other's houses, they held each other and kissed passionately. Hands everywhere, they hardly stopped for air. As they walked to his house, Mia remembered all the things she had liked about him, his smells, his strong arms, his intellect. Eventually when they got inside, they jumped on each other and explored their hungry bodies. Whereas Vain Man rushed everything and was more about the act rather than the foreplay, The Spartan took his time and controlled the situation. Not knowing how she would feel about sleeping with another man so soon after walking out on her husband, she pushed her fears aside and let go.

When the moment came to it, they realised that they had the same problem. Although they were now able to do it, it caused too many issues and The Spartan complained that he was in pain. The angles and movements meant that there were too many positions they couldn't do. As they spooned afterwards, they spoke for the first time about what was going wrong with them. They decided to give it another go and decided with the right amount of time and care, it would be fine. For two months they tried until one day, The Spartan hurt Mia so much that she had to have stitches.

Then one night, Disappointed Dad threatened to kill Mia once again and she lost the plot and called the police. She had him arrested and her whole family turned against her. Within the space of an hour, she was homeless with no where to go. Not able to go to any of her family or seek any help from Vain Man, she slept rough for weeks on her friends couches and floors. She never once told The Spartan about what was going on and tried to get the council to help her but was unsuccessful. Soon, word spread round her extended family about what had happened and she couldn't take the pressure anymore.

As she sat in her friends apartment, she downed 20 Nurofens and a bottle of vodka. She couldn't cope anymore and didn't want to live. After all, she had nothing to live for...

The Spartan vs Vain Man

Over the next two weeks, Mia and The Spartan saw each other every night, neither of them was working and so would sleep all day and then stay up together at night and stare out at the stars. They would take long walks around their town in the cold, holding hands like love sick teenagers, giggling away and eating ice cream. They would lie in bed and listen to chill out music surrounded by tea lights and make out.

For the first time in ages, Mia found herself opening up about her life without feeling awkward. She told him about her Disappointed Dad who had a habit of lashing out at her whenever they got into an argument. He told her how he used to be a nightmare growing up and was homeless for a while when his own dad kicked him out. Mia could tell that he had been troubled in the past but he had clearly got over whatever had happened and it had made him a stronger man because of it. They spoke about their last relationships and he showed her pictures of his ex. She hadn't treated him properly and in the end he had got sick of her and decided to end it.

Mia finally felt she had found her Greek King after all that ordeal with Vain Man. After a month of seeing each other, they slept together for the first time. Although it was obvious that The Spartan had wanted to happen earlier, he hadn’t pushed her into it but when it did happen, it wasn’t as great as they thought it would be and left them questioning why.

They put it down to first time nerves and felt that they would be fine with time but they soon realised that it wasn’t the case. The sexual chemistry between them was electric but they couldn't ignore the fact that physically they weren’t a right fit. Despite this, they continued with relationship as they were already involved emotionally.

Slowly Mia realised that this was a problem they wouldn’t be able to ignore. They soon went from seeing each other every day to only at the weekends. Then one day they just stopped texting each other. Mia started seeing Vain Man again and ended up moving in with him after Disappointed Dad caught them in the act. She continued to keep in touch with The Spartan and would see him out in the local club. On a few occasions, she would invite him home with her but they still had the same problems.

One night when she was out, she saw a girl she thought she recognised. She asked the girl where she knew her from and soon realised that she was The Spartan's ex girlfriend. Slightly under the influence, she asked her how he was and to tell him he had left his watch around her house.

The girl stormed off...Mia didn't know what she had done wrong.

This Is Sparta!

So earlier in the week when I was trying to figure out how to get over one of my ex's and move on with my life, I hadn't realised that soon enough I would never see one of them ever again. The timing of tonight's events couldn't be anymore bittersweet or perfect if I had written them myself. Not only because I was feeling miserable but also because it's exactly where we left off with Vain Man.

This is...

The Story Of The Spartan

The Spartan has been previously mentioned very briefly. Mia met The Spartan when she was on a break from Vain Man. She had just found out he had been cheating on Slutty Bitch and was determined to get on with her life. One night when she went out with Arty Dominatrix to the local club she spotted The Spartan standing out from the crowd. Knowing she had nothing to lose, she pointed him out to her friend and told her that was her next man.

An hour later, Mia and The Spartan walked past each other and as they did, they both turned around to notice that the other had done the same. Mia went about her night and enjoyed the music and the buzz of the alcohol in her system until she noticed Nightclub Crawler, her ex boyfriend who was a constant fixture on the clubbing circuit. Frustrated at seeing him out, Mia tried to ignore him but he kept coming up to her, trying to wind her up and cause problems. As she stood there arguing with him, The Spartan came up to her and told her he was with the wrong man. She laughed at his very original chat up line and told him that he should of told him that 2 years ago when she had first met Nightclub Crawler.

The next hour or so, Mia and TS sat in the corner in one of the many bars and found out they had a lot in common. They were born only two weeks apart, both loved photography and travelling and lived down the road from each other. They exchanged numbers before returning to their friends, he promised to call her and Mia for once, was looking forward to it. Half an hour later, one of his friends came up to Mia and told her that TS had sent him to tell her that he wasn't hitting on the girl he was dancing with. Mia thought it was an odd thing to be told but then the guy explained that it was TS's ex-girlfriend who had too much to drink and he felt like he should look after her. Mia told him to tell TS not too worry about it, since she is blind and didn't even realise where he was. Mia went home that night not thinking of Vain Man for once and looking forward to hearing from the hunky Greek so had met.

The next night, when she finally felt human again, she received a text from TS. He was asking her what her plans were and if she fancied coming over to see him in a few hours. Mia couldn't remember what he looked like exactly and agreed to it anyways. When she saw him walking down the street to her, her jaw dropped and hit the floor. In front of her stood this tall, olive skinned, skinhead stranger. Unable to contain her excitement, she pinched herself to make sure it was actually happening. Back at his house, they put on a DVD but didn't pay much attention to it. They spent what felt like hours talking about things they had in common, Mia gave him enough information to tease him and make him want more but without giving the game away. When he finally admitted that he had just broken up with a semi-serious girlfriend he had been with for 2 years, Mia sighed with relief. She briefly told him about Vain Man and how he had been able to commit to her. She was left speechless when he told her that he would never be in that situation in the first place and had very straight rules about girlfriends and what defined them. The DVD looped on replay and it was only when the birds started to sing that they realised that it was 4am. They tip-toed our of his house and walked back to Mia's hand in hand. Like a true gent, he kissed her on the doorstep and waited until she was safely inside. Before she had managed to take her coat off, her phone went with. It was a simple "x"

She went to bed with a smile on her face, finally feeling like she had something to be happy about after all the drama with VM. Like they say, good things do happen to those who wait.

Crisis Alert

Today I decided to self-diagnose myself with Bipolar Depression and when I say self-diagnose, I mean with the help of numerous Facebook applications. Let’s set the scene, its baking hot outside, I’m lucky enough to have the week for work yet all I can consume myself with is the thought of my ex. Now for the purpose of today’s blog, this man will stay nameless, purely for the reason that I have no intentions of giving him any pleasure of knowing that I’m still aching for him. I will however, clear the air by saying I am NOT writing about Vain Man. I’m sure many of you (especially Auri who it seems has grown a special annoyance towards VM) will be happy to know.

For once, this break up is not an issue about self-confidence and making me feel good. Too many times, it has been proven that this man still lusts for me. I know I look good, in fact I look better now than I did when I was with him, I just need to stop thinking about him

The ins and outs of the relationship are not important because this tale will be told at a later time. What is important is how I need to get over this bastard without feeling like there is a massive hole in my life when he’s not in it. After much consideration, endless happy hour cocktails and continuous perverted thoughts of every man that crosses me path, I have come to the conclusion I don’t want anything to do with him and I don’t want to be with him again. I didn’t like the woman he had made me become, I never loved him and don’t think I ever could.

So why is it so hard to get over him?

Is it because I know that he’s not good for me and I can never really have him? Or is it because at the end of the day, the power of lust and passion over a woman is stronger than love? How can I still be lusting over someone that I don’t really have a need for in my life?

Sick of hearing new of his daily dalliances, I’ve decided to move on with it and keep busy. Seeing that I still have another 5 days off work to sunbathe, shop and perve, I need hints, tips and anything else that might keep my mind occupied. What did you do to get over your last ex?

Do voodoo dolls really work? Maybe I should burn all his clothes I have and do some kind of rain dance? Any suggestions no matter how crazy or how stupid will help!

You think its all over...it is now

Trying to throw a birthday party for a man who hardly talks to you was never going to easy but Mia was convinced that she going to pull it off. Despite all the recent problems, Mia still believed that they loved each other enough to work through them. The week before the party, Mia was sick of pretending that everything was fine with them and confronted him.

Mia was tired of feeling unwanted and wanted to know why he was acting the way he was. In the midst of the argument, he told her he knew about her plans for his birthday and that she shouldn't bother. Hurt by what he was saying, she asked him what he was talking about and how he had found out. He told her that he knew she had been going through her phone and it was only pushing him away.

All of a sudden, Mia saw red and knew that it was the girl that had texted her that must of told him. She demanded to know who the girl was, originally when she texted her, she thought it was the wife of one of their friends that she hadnt met yet. Now, she knew it wasnt her and was convinced that this girl was more than just a platonic friend.

Mia moved out of the flat and stayed with her friend for a few days. She was fed up of the woman she had become, she went from being a strong independent girl to someone who deeply relied on the reassurance from a man who didnt show his love for her. The night before VM's birthday party, they met up in the bar Mia was working in. They sat down and eventually VM told her he wanted to work things out and get back to how they were.

At the party, they both put on an act and fooled everyone into thinking they were happily married but more than ever, Mia felt like she didnt belong there. His parents had bought them a holiday to Budapest in two months time as a surprise and she couldnt help but think they wouldnt make it that far. A week after the party, VM called Mia while he was at work and told her to come see him. In front of the pub where he had proposed to her, he told her he wanted to get divorced and end their relationship. It was one of those moments that she saw coming but she didnt want to believe it was happening. She never thought it was would end like this and kept telling him that it wasnt over and they were still worth fighting for. That night, while she was out, he moved all his stuff back to his parents.

The next month was a complete blur, Mia locked herself in the flat, sulking at the mess her life had become. She knew that there was something going on and didnt know what to do about it. Everyone kept telling her that it was just a phase but she knew it wasn't. Then one night, while she was drunk at a friends house, she told him the whole situation with this mystery women and how she was sure something was going on. Her friend being the computer genius he is, hacked into VM's Myspace and emails and Mia finally found the proof she needed. She found emails from the mystery women and discovered that VM had been cheating on her longer than she thought, it had started before they went on holiday to Barcelona. She thought when he was crying and declaring his love for her it was because he felt guilty about the fact that they were arguing, when in reality it was because he was cheating on her. Mia screamed red murder down the phone when she found out that only one was he cheating on her but he was also signed up for sex on adult sites. The profiles described him to the bone and even had a picture she had taken of him while they were on holiday. In a drunken rage and with the help of her friend, she hacked into all his online accounts and changed his profile pictures to a picture she had on her phone of him completely starkers. She emailed the same picture to everyone in his address phone and all the numbers in his phone. She even sent it to his family.

Eventually when VM found out what she had done, he refused to speak to her. She had finally hurt him the same way he had been hurting her for the last 18 months. The date for their holiday was coming up and although she had paid for some of the activities they were meant to be doing, he refused to take her. The night before they were due to fly, he called her up and told her no one else could make it on such late notice and that she could come with him but only because he didnt want to go alone. The flight over and the first day was a nightmare, Mia's outlook had completely changed. She no longer needed to care about what Vain Man thought and while he was in the toilet in a swanky bar, she got a bit friendly with a cute German. Vain Man being Vain couldnt deal with seeing his wife with someone else and went back alone to the hotel. When Mia finally got back, he questioned her about what she had been doing. She wouldnt give him any answers and led him to believe that something more had happened when in reality, she had gone for a long walk and sat alone by the Castle.

The rest of the holiday passed quickly and when they returned to England, they decided to give each other another chance and work things through without any pressure or complications. They started to date again and remember what it was like to enjoy the company of each other, until one day Mia came across a text from a girl on Vain Man's fone. She confronted him about it and deep down inside, she didnt believe his explanation. This was now the fourth time she had accused him of cheating and she had been right every time before. Not being able to cope with his antics anymore, Mia left Vain Man for good and walked out of his life. 2 days later, on her 22nd birthday, he came over to see her and beg for another chance. She just couldnt bear to get hurt again. A month later, she decided that she loved him too much and tried to give him another chance. One night while he was asleep, Mia looked through his phone and found a text from the same girl. It was obvious that they were more than just friends now and she called her to ask her who she was.

The girl confirmed everything Mia thought and when Mia told her she was VM's wife, the girl denied any knowledge of her. After 30 minutes of crying and pacing up and down the room, Mia physically threw VM out of bed. She gave him no explanation, no excuses, nothing. She threw his clothes out of the window and kicked him out. That day, Mia promised herself she would never let another man treat her like shit and get away with it.

Mia never saw Vain Man again.

If Only Every Girl Had A Man Like Vain Man

The next day, when Mia woke up, she had sleep in her eyes, a bottle of vodka in her hand and 32 missed calls on her phone. All of them were from VM. He had come to talk to her the night before but she hadn't answered the door and had left his stuff outside. She texted his mother and told he she wouldn't be coming over for Christmas and got back into bed.

At midday she decided to get changed and go shopping. Since she had no need to buy anyone presents, she would spend the whole lot on meaningless junk she later regret buying. She turned the corner onto the main road where she saw VM. He was sat on the steps wearing same clothes as the night before, holding a bunch of her favourite flowers (Purple Tulips if anyone ever feels the need to buy Mia flowers) and his bags between his legs.

She cried as she explained why she had stormed out and how it made her feel to be in love with someone who was too selfish to let her go. He finally admitted that he had slept with Slutty Bitch before he left to for Asia and that while he was away he realised how strongly he felt about Mia but was too confused as to what he should do. He was convinced that if they became a couple he would ruin it and their friendship would be over.

The both laid their hearts out on the table and VM wanted her to come home to his parents and spend Christmas like they had originally planned.

Mia left to go shopping for to get the presents for his family but before she managed to pay for her shopping, she bumped into an old colleague that worked with her and VM. They discussed their plans for the holiday and when asked what she was doing for Christmas, Mia proudly answered she was spending it with VM and his family.

"Oh how is he? Hows things going with his girlfriend?"

"What girlfriend?"

"The one from Earlsfield"

For the second time in less than 24 hours, Mia found herself kicking VM out of their flat. She was stupid for thinking she could trust him. Not only had he hurt her, he had betrayed her and made her look like a dickhead.

She texted his mother and apologized again, telling her to ask her son for an explanation and with that she found a bottle of tequila and wished herself a merry fucking Christmas.

Walking out on her life

Mia left with Vain Man. She had no money, no clothes and nowhere to go. She called Angry Man who just called her a whore and said if her dad didn't killed her, she would do it herself.

VM said she could stay at his. He felt it was all his fault and couldn't stop worrying that he had ruined her life. He had been out with many Asian girls before whom had strict parents but he had never been near their houses or been caught in the act.

As they walked down his road, Mia knew what was coming next, she had to meet his family, something she had successfully managed to avoid to do before and was amusing at timing for formal introductions.

They walked through the door and VM went to make them some tea. He led her into the living room where his mother was watching TV.

"Mum, this is Mia. We're got a little bit of a problem and we don't know what to do"

He looked at Mia. "Do you want me to tell her?" She looked away and wiped her tears.

"Tell me what? You're not pregnant are you?"

Mia nodded at VM and he explained the whole situation to his mother.

His mother, handed Mia a tissue, hugged her and told her she was welcome in their house anytime. Many months later, his mother admitted that she was disappointed that Mia hadn't been pregnant. Something that Mia found both intriguing and disturbing.

The next day, while her family were at her cousins wedding, she packed all her belongings and moved out. Borrowing money from his parents, they moved into a small apartment ready to start their new life.

Several months later and it was the week before Christmas. Mia had settled into her new life and spent most of her waking hours with VM. She still didn't know where they stood but she was apart of the family now.

Whenever they would have "The Talk" VM would explain to her that he felt stronger feelings for her than a friend but not as strongly enough to be his girlfriend. Mia had been told by his mother that he did want to be with her, he was scared of being hurt and would eventually come round.

The day before Christmas Eve, Mia feel asleep in VM's bedroom at his parents house. She was exhausted from working long hours. When she got woke up, she undressed and texted VM telling him to come upstairs. Seconds later, she heard his phone beep under the bed.

She went to delete the text she had just sent him and when she saw Slutty Bitch's name into his inbox, she read what was it said and immediately put her clothes back on. It confirmed what she had thought all along. That good for nothing bastard had been sleeping with her behind Mia's back.

She stormed out his parents house and called the land line.

"We're done. Come pick up your shit in an hour and get the fuck out of my life"

VM had already put her thorough too much and now it was Christmas and she would be spending it alone.

What a brilliant way to end the year...

You're so vain, I'll bet you think this blog is about you. Don't you?

The saga of Vain Man is so long, Mia could of wrote her 3rd year dissertation on it. However, she is currently suffering from a vile case of Man Swine Flu known to womankind, trying to juggle moving flat, dumping her boyfriend, being seduced by an ex-lover who doesn't live in England and being her fabulous self all at the same time.

Mia has recently received abusive hate mail from Vain Man himself earlier in the week with words such as "defamation of character" "verbal abuse" and "substantial damages" being noted on more than one occasion. Rather than consulting her Lawyer Brother about her next move, she is looking for some rather not-so friendly words from her readers.

This weeks task, if you decide to accept is to write a brief letter, word count does not matter, it can as long or short as you wish to Vain Man in regards to his Vain Behaviour. The best entry will be posted AND sent to Vain Man. Any response(s) - he has a tendency to get a bit carried away will be posted. The lucky winner will also receive a lovely gift from lush.com of Mia's choice (it will be lush, the website says so!)

Entries can be sent in email to missmiadickinsonATgmailDOTcom or below in comments. This amazing, once in a lifetime opportunity to insult Vain Man yourself will close at midnight (GMT Darrrling) on Sunday 14th June. Please feel free to be as abusive as you feel necessary!

Now back to the story...

Mia had been seeing The Spartan but she managed to get bored of him very quickly. She was working longer hours and had to get her references done for her University placement in two days and had no idea what to write.

She texted VM since despite his Vain-ness, he was actually intelligent. Some people are street wise, Vain Man is brain wise. It was one of the (few) qualities that attracted Mia to him in the first place. So she went over to see him and spent the rest of the day at his house, sitting by the river and remembering how much she had missed his friendship.It then hit her, that more than anything else in her life, his friendship meant the most.

Whenever Mia was not at University, she would be at work, which was situated behind it. In between working, her classes and on her lunch break, she would see VM. They had quickly fallen back in their old routine and although they hadn't slept together again, Mia could see it on the cards.

Soon the night had come when Mia finally gave into her urges. Til this day, it is the most memorable night in her life and whenever she hears a song of Primal Scream's Screamadelic album, she is back in that room.

When everyone was out for the night, Mia invited VM over. He had already briefly met her Playboy Brother and knew it was Angry Mum's turn. She cooked their favourite meal and watched Easterenders. Neither of them having any interest in it whatsoever and as soon as the last bite was finished, the clothes came off. Caught up in themselves, they never heard the foot steps coming up.

As Mia heard the shouting and the attempt to open the door, she saw her whole life flashing before her. Disappointed Dad wasn't meant to be back for at least another few hours. She mouthed at Vain Man and told him to put his clothes on.

Mia knew she was in trouble. Her parents were aware that she had been sexually active for a number of years and had continuously expressed their disgust at her.

She opened the door to find Disappointed Dad holding a knife in his hand and screaming at her in Punjabi. Vain Man being of Caucasian descent didn't understand a word he was saying. DD told VM to leave and as Mia walked VM to the door she started crying. She could still hear DD screaming abuse at her and before her foot hit the last step, she started shaking.

"What's wrong? What did he say?" Asked Vain Man

"He said he's going to kill me after you leave"

"Is he being serious? He can't be serious"

"There's one thing Ive never told you before. He's been battering me for as long as I can remember. This is like Christmas for him"

Mia then knew there was only one thing she could do.

Vain Man: Its All Over For Now

Mia had fallen from him. It was like watching a mug you had just dropped off the kitchen table falling, knowing it was going to hit the ground but being unable to do anything about it. In conversation, they had both established how they didn't want anything more than a casual arrangement yet she couldn't help but want to see him everyday. She would lie awake at night and watch him sleep. She would think about him when she wasn't with him and whenever Slutty Bitch came up in the conversion, she would crumble inside.

Even though they had been sleeping together for a while, she knew VM still had feelings for SB. He had told her many times and even penned a few songs about her. SB lived on campus where both her and VM went to University, would invite him over and dress inappropriately and it concerned Mia. She was not in a relationship with VM but they had both decided that if either of them would do anything with anyone else, they would tell the other person.

July was fast approaching and she was convinced that whatever magic they had between them would be over once he returned. She wasn't even sure they would keep in touch while he was away. In the last week before VM was going away, they spent every day together. Mia helped him pick clothes for his trip and even helped him pack his bag. Soon came the last night they would spent together, Mia spent the whole day getting ready, she bought lingerie and did her hair the way he liked it.

After hours of lying with each other, VM took her to her favourite restaurant even though he despised it with every inch of his body. They sat there in silence and ate. They both know that what they had, had to stop before one of them got hurt. When they got home that night, Mia cried into her pillow, VM held her tight and told her how silly she was being. He was only going away for a month.

It was only that night that she realised that she was the only one that felt anything in the situation. The man lying next to her might be there in person but his heart was somewhere else...somewhere where she couldn't reach.

While he was away, they kept in touch via email. The increasing amount of emails all indicated to Mia that in fact he had been missing her too and something more serious would happen between them when he got back. Then one night, she bumped into Slutty Bitch, it had been a while since they crossed paths and Mia had not been looking forward it to as she knew there was a chance SB would say something to her about Vain Man. Apparently they had slept together before he left and Mia knew although SB was trying to hurt her, she was probably telling the truth.

She left the club early and walked the mile out of town and into the arms of her ex-boyfriend, The Nightclub Crawler. That night she tried to put aside all her feelings for Vain Man and get lost in herself. To this day, Vain Man does not know of this night and she never told him.

When Vain Man came back from travelling, he never called Mia. When their paths did cross, she confronted him about that night he spent with Slutty Bitch and he denied it but it was too late. In the absence of what they had, Mia had gone out and met someone else. She was now seeing The Spartan and had no intention of being with Vain Man again. He hadn't noticed her worth and in the end she had come out on top, like she always does...that was until one night that completely changed her life where the only person that could make it right was Vain Man.

Vain Man

Vain Man is possibly the only true love Mia has experienced. Vain Man was tall, slim and had the bluer eyes than the crystal clear seas in Fiji (Mia has seen the pictures, she knows the score). VM had long chin length hair and at one point, it was longer than Mia's. At the time they were together, Mia was ready to give up everything. The story of VM can not be told in one sitting as it is long and complex which inevitably added Mia's name to the long list of burnt women who sought desperate measures to get even.

In Mia's opinion, VM is heads above the rest purely because he was the first man she ever lived with, the only one whom to this date has managed to train her into becoming domesticated and in a record time of 2 years went from lover to boyfriend to husband to ex-husband.

Mia first met VM when they both worked together as temps for the BBC. VM only worked 3 days a week and was sleeping with Slutty Bitch, whom at the time was an acquaintance Mia was fond off. Whenever Mia and VM worked together, they would amuse themselves with office gossip, tales of their own sex lives and play rude hangman in between their corporate conference calls.

Mia would often flirt with VM. He was easy on the eyes and it passed the time. They both shared the same passions of filthy talking and cutting corners in order to avoid any real hard work.

Months past and when Mia finished her contract and moved to another office, she became busy in her own world and lost in touch with VM...although their story had just begun.