DISCLAIMER: PLEASE READ

All Characters In This Said Piece Are Factual And Although You Might Not Be Named (And Righty So Shamed) You Are A Force To Be Reckoned In My Story.

Having Said That, Unless You Still Receive 3am Drunken Love Poems Via Electronic Mediums, You Were Unfortunately Just A Spur Of the Moment Obessession. Get.Over.It. Love. Bitterness And Angry Aint Pretty. Be Happy You Are Being Acknowledged.

No Men Were Intentially Or (That) Severly Injuried In The Events Of This Blog. Most Of You Asked For It And Enjoyed The Best Part Of The Experience.

As A Wise Man Once Said, What's Life Without Pain?

Monday, 3 August 2009

Who Are They? WHO Are They?

Over the last few weeks, there has been an alarming amount of emails in my inbox (which I am still to reply to, I am sorry, Im in Espana, theres cute guys and sunshine galore, I find it very hard to concentrate on writing) about the characters in this blog. Lets face it, there´s been a few and even I sometimes get confused about them. Only the other day, I called The Womanizer by this fictious name rather than his real one. It was highly amusing.

Nevertheless, here is a list of characters which have either been mentioned previously or will be mention in the forthcoming posts. This list will be updated on a regulary basis so keep up...you might be missing out on juicy secrets!

Alex The Coke Dealer - Sworn enemy of Boy Band Hunk and The Womanizer. Once he had The Russians try and kidnap TW. Took a fancy to Mia and when she knocked him back, he threatened to kill her and pinned her up against the wall. That night, their rivarly was re-ignited.

Artisty Muse – One of the few people Mia has managed to get close to without ever meeting or speaking to. The girlfriend of one of her best friends in Barcelona, Mia has spent endless hours speaking to her online after his death. Artisty Muse is one of the most amazing women Mia has encountered and is waiting until the day they met. They both have similar taste in men and believe in the “love them and leave them” concept.

Angry Mum - The safety blanket that always keeps Mia warm. Watch out though, because this women has a mouth and isn't afraid to use it. This is one bitch you do not want to cross.

Boy Bank Hunk – Best friends with Mia’s ex The Womanizer. Mia briefly lived with him in the winter of 2008 and instantly fell in love with him the night they met. Unbelievable gorgeous, he was eye candy to Mia’s eyes for many months. Although nothing ever happened between them, Mia admires him from afar.

Bambi – Mia met Bambi in Barcelona last year. They quickly became best friends and Mia moved in 3 days after they met. These two bring out the best in each other but also the worst. Between them, they conquered most of the men in town and left with unbelievable reputations. People that hadn’t even met the girls yet know who they were. Currently living in Gran Canarias, the girls still talk every day and recently met up for a messy weekend in Barcelona, where once again, they took over the city by storm.

Country Bumpkin – Best friends with Mia’s old college friend. Two years younger than Mia, the strain of their separate worlds meant they never really worked out. He refused to visit Mia in London and she couldn’t adapt to country life. They randomly kept in touch through emails and texts when Mia broke up with Vain Man and since she moved back from Barcelona, they have regularly been texted each other. A few months ago while Mia was living in London, after not seeing each other for 4 years, they went out for a drink which ended in a full blown date. They both had a better time than they did when they were together. Mia is currently unsure as to what is happening with this situation but he continues to text her on a regular basis despite her now living in Spain.

Control Freak – A brief relationship with Control Freak ended after merely 4 days when he tried to tell Mia what clothes to wear, how to talk and whom to be friends with. At the time, Mia was trying to overcome her feelings for The Womanizer and thought it would be a good idea to be with someone else until one day she got fed up, dumped him via email and went out to get drunk with Boy Bank Hunk. The last time they saw each other, they had mad passionate sex in a hotel room after a drunken night out. Mia woke up the next morning with a bad hangover and a big bump on her head from where he had thrown her up against the mirror. That was the last she saw of him. She has since heard that he has moved back into his ex-girlfriends house and plans to marry her this year.


Corrupted Lawyer – One of Mia’s closest friends. They lost contact after leaving school but became firm friends again after finding each other on Facebook a few years ago. Without him, Mia is not sure where she would be. There have been moments where she has struggled to get out of bed in the morning after having her heart broken but he has always been there for her. One of the rare men that she has met in her life that completely blows her away, he is a true gent and an amazing guy. He also is the only person who has gotten Mia so drunk, she has committed some ridiculous acts of social behaviour. In the last 3 years, they have not spent one sober night out. Mia calls him in times of need to ask him for legal advice regarding her extra curricular activities in car parks.

Croat – Mia’s oldest friend spanning 20 years. This relationship has seen its ups and downs. Through out high school, Mia had the biggest crush on him until she realized it would never happen. These days, they remain good friends and although they don’t see each other as much as they wish they did, when they do, its like they never stopped talking.

DJ – The first housemate Mia lived with in Barcelona. Mia also happened to work with him…and his on/off lover. Within hours of meeting and moving in together, they made the mistake of jumping into bed for a drunken fumble. The next 3 months were difficult and Mia soon got bored of being in a messy triangle and moved out. She has since learnt that he slept with his best friend and his on/off lover left and moved back to London.

Dominatrix Girl – Used to live next door to Mia many years ago. They formed a strong friendship after Mia locked herself out of the house one night and needed to borrow a ladder to climb through the front bedroom window. Dominatrix Girl is the opposite of Mia, being very organized in her life, knowing what she wants and then going for it. Although a good influence, she does have tendencies to corrupt Mia on girls’ nights out. Dominatrix Girl however, is not a Dominatrix but trade but rather enjoys a good night of fetish dressing up and spanking. Mia has not seen her for over a year and will be soon catching up to cause havoc one more time.

Disappointed Dad - only slightly insaner than Mia herself. Seems to spend alot of his time lecturing Mia and constantly telling her how disappointed he is with her lifestyle choices.

Foreign Brother - the oldest of Mia's brothers, he lives in Amsterdam with his Latina wife and two gorgeous kids. His method is tough life. Always bringing Mia down a peg or two.


Nightclub Crawler – Mia’s first real boyfriend. They met in a local club where she stepped on his foot and bullied him all night until he paid her attention and swapped numbers. They dated for 15 months before Mia found out he cheated on her and walked out. Today they have remained friends and Mia often calls him when she needs to a shoulder to cry on.


Playboy Brother - the youngest of the bunch. Quiet and keeps himself to himself, never showing emotion. Mia compares him to Dexter often. He is also the playboy out of the brothers and constantly refuses to admit the existence of his girlfriend, whom hes been with for 5 years. Mia admires him very much so for this.


Race Car Boy – A friend of a friend through the driving circle. Mia met him many years ago when he had a girlfriend and when Mia refused to be involved with men with girlfriends. He recently contacted her on Facebook and after pursued her endlessly until she gave into him and agreed to go out with him for a drink. Mia had forgotten how attractive he was and was blown away by his lisp. This was a case of “wham, bam. Thank You Sir”. He has since contacted Mia on numerous occasions which she has refused to acknowledge.

Race Car Girl – One of Mia’s best friends until RCG slept with Mia´s ex. Had a tendency to be really possessive and needed to always know what Mia was doing. Was never happy with Mia having a boyfriend and wanted to go out every weekend. Mia secretly thinks Race Car Girl might have been jealous of her

Smart Brother - Mia's middle brother. The brains in the family, currently at one of Prestigious universities in the country, doing the "Prime Minister's" degree. Mia has money on her brother being the first Asian PM.

Sensible Boy - Good friends with TW. Mia adopted him as a big brother after she stop seeing TW, although it meant she still had to be on her best behaviour. They lived together briefly in the winter of 2008 with Chris. Sensible Boy recently moved home after deciding Barcelona was too much for him. Mia has not seen or spoken to him for months.


Slutty Bitch - An old work colleague of Mia´s that went out with Vain Man before she did. Mia soon realised how much of a slutty bitch she was and started to feel sorry for her. She was one of those women who had to have a man in her life to feel alive. Over the last few years, Mia has learnt about 50 men she has slept with. Today, she lives alone...more than likely in a shoe with a cat or two

Stoner Boy - Bambi´s fuck buddy and best friends with TW. Mia looked up to SB and thought the world of him until she realised how much of a bastard he was when he was exposed of spreading The Clap. One night, she confronted him of his reckless behaviour and they had a massive argument. Since Mia has been back, she has seen him out and about but they will never be the same again.

Swedish Hunk - Mia has only known Swedish Hunk before he moved back to Sweden. They became close when they realised that they both had a problem with the white stuff and Mia made sure he stayed clean before he went home to his lovely girlfriend. Now, nearly a year later, she has formed a strong friendship with his girlfriend, whom she speaks to every few days and is looking forward to seeing them both later this year.

Traveler – Mia met Traveler the same night she met Nighclub Crawler. For a few months she was seeing both of them. He was one of the few “gentlemen” Mia has met who had old school manner. Traveler has since worked as a PR in Ibiza and became a womanizer. They have kept in touch over the last 6 years and have continued their fuck buddy status whenever he has been in the country and she has been single. He is currently living in New Zealand with his lovely girlfriend whom Mia likes very much.

The Womanizer – The toxic ex from Barcelona whom Mia has had a love-hate relationship with. Older, richer and sexy as hell – bad combination. He came up to Mia outside his girlfriend’s restaurant and asked her to have a drink with him. For 7 months, they spent most of their time trying to classify what they were to each other until Mia had enough and walked away. These days, he is back to his normal self, being a Womanizer and causing havoc in the streets. Although they no longer talk, its pretty obvious that when they do cross paths again, they will end up in bed, just like they always used to.

The Spartan – Exotic looking hunk that Mia met when she was on a break from Vain Man. Possibly the closest man she has met that made her feel happy. They both share similar passions and want the same things in life. They briefly dated for a few months back in 2006 until Mia decided to get back together with Vain Man. They then continued to date for another year or so after she walked out on Vain Man. In 2008, The Spartan went travelling for a few months and Mia moved to Barcelona. She then persuaded him to move over with her but left him to pursue her infatuation with The Womanizer. Mia decided to move back to London, in the spring of 2009 to be with The Spartan again but unfortunately their relationship was short lived. Mia has had no contact with him for a few months now but understands that he is travelling around America this summer.

Tiger – Tiger is older than most of Mia’s friends. Mia tends to avoid the older generation as it usually involved discussions of marriage, mortgages and babies. Something she is avoiding for as long as possible. Tiger is one of the nicest guys Mia has me. They have had many drunken nights out together and Mia enjoys when he calls her up in the middle of the night. They play hangman and nougats and crosses on the phone. Don’t ask how. He is one of the few people she contacted when she was back in Barcelona.

Vain Man - Mia´s ex husband. He cheated on her constantly until one day she had enough and left. They havent spoken for nearly 2 years and Mia likes it this way. She hopes he burns in hell.

2 comments:

Nic said...

My God, I didn't realise there were so many!!

Auri said...

I didn't realize it either... I'm glad you made a list;)