How Do You Solve A Problem Like Mia's?

Tiger is in his early 50s. I met him one night when I was out and about in town with Boy Bank Hunk and Stoner Boy. The first night I met him, he drank my piss out of a pint glass, but hey, thats a story for another post. Over the last year, we became good friends and when I was homeless earlier on in the year before I moved back to London, he let me sleep on his couch and gave me a job where he worked. I was grateful, he was an entertaining guy but his behaviour started to worry me. He would insist on sitting next to me all the time with his arm around me, tried kissing me a few times on the lips and always wanted to hold my hand when we were walking down the street. At first I didnt think much of it, then came the phone calls. He would call me up to 15 times a day. He had nothing to say to me, he just wanted to see what I was doing. He drinks a lot you see and has a tendency to want to see me when he is.

When I moved back to London, apart from Bambi, he was the only one that called me or kept in touch. I used to look forward to his phone calls and when I moved back to Barcelona a few weeks ago, he was one of the first people I wanted to find. My new apartment wouldnt be ready for another week and he let me sleep on his floor so I wouldnt have to fork out for a hotel.

The first few days were brilliant but then he would drink and become annoying. He's an alcoholic as I mentioned and Im trying to be a good girl. In a town where the beer is cheaper than water, its easy to get hammered every day. I wanted out. I moved apartments and started work. Whenever I saw Tiger, I always made sure I spoke about men I had met whilst I was out. I hoped that he would finally understand there was no way in hell we would be together.

He knew The Womanizer and kept asking me why I didnt want to be with him when he knew he could treat me so much better than TW ever did. I politely made my excuses and avoided the topic. We went out to dinner one night where he sunk two bottles of red wine and pulled my boob out of my dress. He insisted we look like we were together when the reality of it was I looked like a whore he had got off the streets. What else would you think of an old greying man with a young good looking woman?

I flirted with the waiter and made sure Tiger saw it. He kept calling me a tart and asking me how many of the people we knew had slept with me. Over and over again I kept asking myself why I was friends with him and when he tried to make me feel like I owed him something for letting me sleep in his apartment I lost the plot.

Over the next week, I avoided his phone calls or barely spoke to him. Then one day, I went mad when I found out that he had sold my laptop for half the price because he needed money when he was meant to be looking after it. As I told my friends about what had happened I questioned myself again. Why was I friends with him?

One night I went out with a mutual friend of ours who brought along The Russian. Tiger had spoken to me about him before and I had instantly liked the sound of him. Over drinks, I fell completely head over heels in lust with him. The next day Tiger called me up to say he had heard I had met The Russian and it sounded like I had a good chance of being under him by tht end of the week.

A few days later, I called The Russian the night before my birthday and asked him if he wanted to take me out. That night, we went out with a few of my friends and eventually we decided we both wanted more. As the night turned into morning and I fell asleep in his arms, Tiger kept calling me wish me Happy Birthday. I left The Russian's house and went to go see him. As we sat down, I made it a point to get my point across that I was with someone else now and he couldnt behave the way he does.

I thought I had made myself clear when I told him I was with The Russian. He asked me whether I had fucked him and what was going on. I left quickly, telling him I had to go meet some friends. Later that afternoon, I went with The Russian and my friends to Gava, just outside of Barcelona for a party pool to celebrate my birthday. While I was there, I had 3 missed calls from Tiger.

Not sure why he was calling me, I told The Russian to pick up and talk to him. They knew each other and I explained the situation to him. He agreed with me that I wasnt imagining it and I had a right to be concerned. Over the course of the evening, he called twice again and when The Russian answered he called back again hoping to speak to me. Just before 10pm he called and asked if he could sing Happy Birthday to me down the phone. As he finished, I asked if he wanted to speak to The Russian and he hung up on me.

The next morning when I switched my phone back on, I had 4 missed calls from him. He called again a few hours later screaming down the phone for ignoring him the night before. He was drunk and couldnt understand why I was ignoring him. As I told him I was with The Russian, he flipped and started threatening to tell him lies about me and what I had been up to. This was one man who didnt like what was going on and was going to do everything to make sure I wasnt going to stay with The Russian for too long.

He just didnt get the point that he is over twice my age, is an alcoholic and will never be with me.

Who said that you had to be famous to have a stalker...has anyone else had a problem like this before?

Birthday Celebrations

The Russian was cute, I had established that. Two nights after we met and I had bumped into him again. The same with the hand on the small of my back move that made me melt. I went to bed with a smile on my face.

The night before my birthday, a Friday and no one wanted to go out, I sat and searched through my phone and called The Russian. He was busy but would call me later, within the hour, I had forgotten and got back into my PJs and curled up on the sofa. He called and I pratically jumped off my balcony with excitement.

I persuaded my housemate, Manic Depressant Girl to come with, I didnt really want to but I felt like I had to and so we went along to meet him and his friends down on the beach. He was at one end and we wanted to go to the another. They had music where we usually go and MDG got pissed off and threw a strop. It was my birthday and I was getting annoyed already. By the time we walked to where TR was, I was well and truely pissed off, not only had I walked for half an hour but I hadnt even had a drink yet. When we finally got there, the bar was about to close and we couldnt get served.

We decided to walk all the way back to where we were as they were opened until 2am. Along the way, Flash Guy called, saying he was back in town for the night since he knew it was my birthday and wanted to take me out. Flash Guy is a nice enough person but is also filthy rich and always bought Bambi and I enough alcohol to take down Africa's population of elephants in the hope that we could fall into bed with him. The honest truth is that hes ugly as sin and it would never happen. I told him I was with people and that he could come join us if he wanted, which he said he would do a bit later.

When we finally reached the beach bar where we first started, we realised that it was about to shut too, so I had now spent a good two hours walking from one place to another, trying to meet people who really should of made their way to where I was and I still hadnt had a drink. MDG decided that we should go home and pick up the camera so I would have something to remember my birthday. Again, we walked the half an hour walk home and slowly with every step, I started to hate myself for stepping foot out of my flat in the first place. I called another friend and told him to come out, now there was 2 guys and 2 girls. Hopefully I could get some alone time with The Russian and get to know him a bit better.

We left out house, camera in hand when Flash Guy called, he was at the bar I told him we were at and he was annoyed as to why we werent there anymore. I had a business proposal for him and needed to speak with him that night about it. He seemed to be more interested in getting into my knickers and when we finally got to the place I told him we were at, he had already left. Feeling like a deer in the headlights of a car, I sat there worrying how I might of potentially ruined a great opportunity to blag an easy way of making some money. For half an hour, he kept calling me, telling me to meet him in random places on the beach, when I finally found out where he was, he wanted me to drop the guys and go out with just him, his brother and MDG. I wasnt prepared to do that and so I left.

As I walked back to the group, The Russian wanted to go meet some of his friends, he was fed up with all this walking around after people and I hadnt even had a drink yet. I was close to tears and when the other two told us that they wanted to go to the strip of bars on the port, he told them we would meet up with them in half an hour.

We walked off and met his Swedish friend and his brother. All of a sudden I was standing with 7 tall, blond Swedish guys. The night had definately picked up, as The Russian spoke to them in Swedish, I wish I understood the language. He was born in Stockholm and Swedish was one of the four languages he spoke.It was just another thing to add to the long list that made him even more sexier. We went off to an after hours bar and sat next to each other, holding hands and staring at each other. The rest of the guys sat there drinking and smoking, TR whispered sweet nothings in my ear and as he saw the lust in my eyes, I reached out and kissed him.

I was melting again and I didnt know what to do next.

Back to Basics...

So enough with the moaning, its now been 5 days since my accident and I´ve already taken the cast off and have been partying all weekend. Yes, I know, I was moaning and bitching about being in so much pain but I´ve found the solution. A great little mixture of weed, booze and painkillers. I´ve been hobbling around like an eejit but its actually worked to my advantage...Ive had tons of cute guys asking me why I´ve got cuts on my face...shame I can´t do anything about it. Back to story time and it´s time you meet my new man.

This is the story of The Hot Russian.

I was meant to stay away from men remember? I promised myself I would move to Barcelona and concentrate on me. Get a new job, make new friends and not make the same mistakes I did last time, falling for someone within the space of weeks and not doing my own thing. All was going well until Tiger mentioned this Hot Russian he knew. He was a younger, hotter, slightly more insane version of Boy Bank Hunk and well, I always had a soft spot for that boy. I harassed Tiger to invite the Hot Russian out. I knew he wouldn´t, purely because Tiger wants me for himself and knew that I would want the Hot Russian and I always get what I want.

One night I made him call the Russian in front of me and when he asked I grabbed the phone. Tiger was right, he sounded hot on the phone but as they always say...cute on the phone, add a stone. I told him to come out, he was busy that night but I was trying to persuad him otherwise. I told him to keep the next night free, knowing that I had already made plans and wasnt going to meet him.

A week later and I needed some guy I knew taken care off and so I called up a friend of mine who normally deals with shit like that. We arranged to meet up for a drink before we went to pay a visit to this guy so I was in a pleasant shock when he turned up with a friend of his...who was stunning gorgeous and happened to be The Hot Russian. As I stood there, half trying to flirt with him, half trying to remember that I was furious with this twat that needed to be slapped around a bit, I realised why Tiger didnt want me to meet him.

After the whole ordeal, we went back for another drink, we ignored our friend and flirted in the most innocent way possible. As we left the bar and the boys walked me to the cab, The Hot Russian put his arm on the small of my back when we crossed the road. For a girl whose had men that treat her life shit, I melted. I couldnt stop smiling to myself and the next morning when Tiger called me and mentioned The Hot Russian, my heart skipped a beat. Apparently, he had taken a fancy to me and Tiger was sure that I would be underneath him by the end of the weekend.

It was my birthday weekend...and I couldnt think of a better way to celebrate.

The One With The Hit And Run

I was too happy wasnt I? I'd finally moved back to Barcelona, got a gorgeous flat near the beach, met the most amazing guy who for once doesnt treat me like shit and then what happens? I get hit by a car.

I went out on Tuesday night with one of my girlfriends. It started off with an intercambio drinks thing in town where people meet up to pratice their Spanish and English. This was the first time we were going and I was VERY excited. Afterwards we went back to mine for dinner and then headed out to my favourite bar for a drink or two. At 2am we decided to leave and go our separate ways. As we said goodbye and I went to cross the busy road, I saw a bright light coming towards me and then bang!

I was on the floor.

I got up. Only a month earlier I had been knocked off my bike in London. I was fine, I told myself. I was more embarassed about the fact that I had been hit by a car rather than the fact that I couldnt feel the left side of my body. A crowd surrounded me, I couldnt speak. As I sat there with my head in my hands, I realised that I could of just died. Panicking I tried to think of who to call....and thats when it hit me. No one. Im all alone in this town. Bambi's in Ibiza, I dont talk to The Womanizer or any of his friends anymore and Ive decided to cut Tiger out of my life. I called The Russian, crying down the phone, I told him I'd just been hit by a car.

Shocked, he said he would be there ASAP, he was on the other side of town where he had just moved to and I knew he had a busy week ahead of him. As I sat there, surrounded by a group of Catalan people looking after me, I felt an sudden urge of homesickness coming on. I didnt understand a word anyone was saying, a man sitting next to me kept freaking out and wanted me to go somewhere with him. I thought it might of been the driver but later got told he had already driven off after he had hit me. As the police and ambulance turned up, I spotted The Russian walking towards us. The look of shock on his face said it all, I had cuts all over my arms and face and I was bleeding everywhere.

As they wheeled me off into the ambulance, I saw him telling me to answer my phone. Within seconds he was calling asking where they were taking me so they could follow. It was now just past half 2 and he looked shattered. I told him to go home, I was gonna be a while, I needed x rays done on my jaw and leg. I needed to be cleaned up and as he argued his case, I realised how unbelievably amazing he really was. This was a man I had only met a mere week ago, a man that I had only really spent 2 days with before the accident and yet here he was trying to look after me. Any of my ex's would of run half a mile in the opposite direction. The irony of it all was that The Russian would always cross the street making sure he was in the direction of the oncoming traffic with one arm on my back and the other holding my hand.

As I sat in the hospital wondering my fate, he texted me every half an hour to see if there was any progress, eventually he fell asleep and when I left I texted him what had happened. At half 6, I hopped out the hospital with a broken meta tarsal in my left ankle, damaged tendons and cuts and bruises.

Yesterday was spent at home, pretending to work but getting bored by the lack of freedom. Watching back to back DVDs and bitching about the fact that I couldnt eat because of my locked jaw. My desire for food has gone out the window and for the first time in 5 years I smoked weed hoping it would make me feel hungry.

Unfortunately I now have a job where if I dont come in, the whole place falls apart. This morning I had to come in, not only because Im needed but also because I need to pay the rent at the end of the month. I cant walk properly, I can barely walk and I came in stoned and have continued to smoke at my desk.

Im drugged up on a mixture of meds, making sure I dont have some freak OD and earlier in the day I was thinking about topping myself off. I finish work in 10 minutes and Im hoping tomorrow isnt that bad.

Whereever the bastard is that hit me and ran, I hope hes burning in hell.

Alex The Cocaine Dealer Pt 2

Alex and the boys had a long history of trouble. The boys had gone into his offices and destroyed the place and in response, Alex had sent the local mafia to break The Womanizers legs. Time had passed and the boys had put all this business behind them...that was all until all hell broke loose when I attacked Alex.

By the time I got out of the bath, The Womanizer and Bambi were in the bedroom, sat on the bed talking. The smile on her face told me things were good and I shouldnt worry about my future with him. After I changed, I walked into the living room to find more people had arrived with more drugs and more drink. The party was well and truly under way and at half 8 in the morning, where most people were on their way to work, this lot were only just getting started.

The thing with drug taking is, when you stopped and take yourself out of the zone, no matter how long for, whether its 5 minutes or 5 hours, we dont want to get back into it when you see the way everyone else is behaving. Instead of sitting down with the rest of them, I went back into the bedroom and asked if I could get into bed while Bambi and TW chilled out. Within 5 minutes, Alex had walked in and got into bed with me. I sat in silence while the other two looked over and TW asked me if I was okay. Replying I was tired and needed to sleep, I asked Alex if he minded leaving so I could sleep. He wouldnt listen to neither my pleeds or TW's so when he pushed himself on me, I flipped.

Having grown up with an abusive step-dad I wasnt scared of being attacked by a man and knowing that TW was only inches away gave me the strength and stupidity to tell Alex to fuck off before I bitch slapped him. Within seconds, he flipped and started screaming he wanted money for his drugs. Back at the house I hadnt done anything and so I walked off into the living room where the rest of the boys were. Alex came following me in and grab me by the neck and pushed me up against the wall, telling me he would kill me unless I gave him €50.

BBH intervined and pushed Alex aside while Swedish Boy handed him over his last €50 which he was meant to use to get to the airport. Shaken by what had just happened, I walked back into the bedroom, half fuming, half teary. Not wanting them to see how upset I was, I sat on the bed with my back to the door. Bambi made the mistake of walking out into the living room and got caught in the middle. Alex threatened to kill her and she broke down. Furniture was thrown around and BBH gave Alex his €3,000 jacket and told him to fuck off and leave.

Meanwhile, in the bedroom, The Womanizer tried to persuad me into bed but I wasnt having any of it. Bambi and Swedish Boy left to go home so he could pack his stuff and I sat down with The Womanizer and wondered what I was doing with him.

Belated Birthday Blog

So yesterday was my birthday! I actually ended up celebrating it over two nights because...I wanted to. As always, it was full of social drama and at times I was considering adding a few more names to the list of people I want to naypalm but shockingly I was very well behaved! Activities will be blogged about later, although I will go ahead and say I have a new man in my life who treats me like a Queen and is making me very happy indeed. Possibly the best birthday present Ive had ever.

Now back to the blog, at the beginning of the month, I offered myself up to any questions you have in mind to ask me. Some of the answers are a bit too much information so if you are easily offended...I dont know why you read this blog in the first place!

ScoMan asked

What's the funniest thing you've ever seen?

Probably the time I accidently punched my Mum in the face. The two of us were sitting with my youngest brother in bed who kept punching me. I made him hold his hand out and swung back to hit it but when he pulled his hand away early, I followed through and punched my in the face. Sounds awful but I laughed so hard, I ended up crying. I dont even know why it was so funny, she was in pain for days!

What's the worst injury you've ever had?

I think the answer to this one is going to be any girly related accident. The time I broke my ribs were pretty nasty because I couldnt breathe properly. I grew up with an abusive step dad who liked slapping me around a fair bit so theres a long list of them! Im slightly suffering from a boyfrind induced injury right now...so that comes straight to mind.

Which song or lyric do you think best sums up your life (or sums you up as a person)?

Either Faithless´Insomnia because Im constantly troubled with bouts of really bad Insomnia in my life. I once went 12 days without sleep and it drives me mad. You lose all concept of time and walk around like a zombie. The other song would be Sia´s Breathe Me just because its such a beautiful song and her voice is amazing. The lyrics are stunning and alot of the time (especially when I write) I realise that a lot of the madness in my life is self inflicted.

Which of the worlds problems do you think deserves the most attention?

Personally, I think if any problems related to Racism and cultural differences were resolved, it would solve a lot of issues. There are many other issues that are just as important but if we didnt have problems with race, we wouldnt have terriorists trying to blow buildings or people up, the world would support each other´s countries more and I seriously believe there would be less rivarly on the streets. How can we solve issues on a global level when we cant even stop the war on the streets?

If aliens came to the planet and took you away, which planet would you hope they were taking you to?

Earlier this year, I saw Saturn's rings when the Earth crossed it's path in line with the Sun. This normally happens between January - April time when it is the closest planet and shines the biggest in the sky so if I had to be taken away somewhere, I would say Saturn. It looked really pretty and I'm a girl so I can get away with saying that! Plus, we dont really know too much about the planet. We kind of go as far as Mars and just get stuck there!

EmmaK wants to know:

Who was the worst lover you ever had and why? what did he do and was it torture and did you tell him to stop?

There are so many to name! That sounds awful, the worst one without a doubt was my first ever real boyfriend Nightclub Crawler. He wasnt the biggest guy and in all honest was REALLY boring. He had problem with spunking himself too early and although I tried every trick in the book, it never worked. In the end, we broke up and I promised myself I would never sleep with him again...which didnt really work since I would call him up drunk, wanting sex. I suppose I was at that age when I thought because I was "in love with him", it would be the best sex I would ever have. Obviously, since then I realised this isnt the case!

Auri asks:

You seem like an amazing woman. Why is it, do you think, you have a need to be punished?

Thanks for thinking I'm amazing! I think that I've gotten used to being treated like shit by men and that my love for toxicity more than likely came from seeing my mum getting treated like shit by my step dad. If I do ever meet a nice guy these days, I either get bored VERY quickly or I think its all fake and try to catch him out. It sounds pathetic but I guess Im addicted to the drama.

e_burnt.toast wants to know:

How many sexual partners have you ever had?

I stopped counting when I hit double figures. Purely because I couldnt be bothered to remember them all. Bambi has a list of hers on her pc but Im not that organised. I would say the number is likely to be between 15-20. I always lie when boyfriends ask me...although I have been stuck on 9 for about 3 years now. Some of them believe me, some of them dont!

Whats the dirtiest thing you've done in sex?

Literally the dirtiest thing I've done is shoving a dildo up The Womanizer's ass. We were both drunk and he kept insisting on a bit of backdoor action so I said only if he let me do it first. He never did around to his turn!

The naughtiest place you've had sex?

In a club, upstairs infront of tons of people, next to the River Thames or in an empty massive fireplace. I think the ultimate naughtiest place would be a place of worship although it would be REALLY disrespectful.

Name a situation where you've lied to get yourself out of trouble

I lie A LOT! I lied to my parents last year when I told them that I had only tried Cocaine once when in reality, it wasnt the only drug I had tried and it was more than once. My parents are from a culture and a generation where people dont do drugs and they couldnt understand WHY anyone would do them in the first place.

ANON emailed, asking:

When have you started social whoring?

The whole concept behind in social whoring is knowing everyone and everything. The idea behind it actually came about last year, when The Womanizer was shocked at how I had managed to get to know everyone in Barcelona within a short period of time. In Barcelona, its easier to social whore because its so small and the population of English speaking people are close knit whereas in London, its harder. I guess I've always been a social whorer. I was the popular kid at school and everyone knew my name. I've always liked being the center of attention.

How was the teen Mia?

Teen Mia was as troubled as Adult Mia. Teen Mia was a tomboy, always with the boys, playing football, causing havoc and messing around. She was also insecure about herself and didnt know what she was doing in life. As a child, she would always be running away at weddings and parties and could normally be found somewhere near the event by random strangers. Teen Mia didnt have a stable life, her parents were constantly fighting over her step dad's cheating ways and he would give her the odd backhand every now and then. Now a 20 something year old woman, not much has changed. Mia has run away from her life in London and is hoping to get some kind of peace and quiet in her life!

How were you in school?

I was the loud tomboy. I knew everyone and everyone knew me. I was always causing trouble and spent a lot of my time chasing cute boys even though none of them fancied me! I used to get all my school work done but my heart was never in it. When I look back at school, I remember it being a fun time where everything was a-okay

What happened after finishing high school?

I worked the summer in Waitrose while all my friends spent their time partying. Then despite the protests I went to college where I did my first year of AS Levels but I spent most of the year in the pub, under age drinking. I lost my virginity in London's Bushy Park to my then best friend. I quit college and trained as a hairdresser but then got bored and went back to college to finish my A Levels. Then I went to University to do Law with Spanish, finished and started working.

What are your ideas about dreaming big, reaching a goal, being a strong and independent woman and fighting for what we want?

I'm far from being a strong, independent woman. I think my writing proves that in fact, Im a broken, lost woman who needs to actually get a therapist rather than pouring her heart out on an online blog! LMAO! I went out on a date the other day and was asked what would be the ultimate goal. The man in question was a very rich, powerful man who had a tough childhood and had made a successful of himself. When it comes to work and money, I know my strengths, I know I can make tons of money, I know if I put my heart into it, I can head up departments, talk to EMEA managers of Reuters and work 50 hour weeks. The biggest goal and dream of mine is having a happy, healthy family of my own where my children are happy and I have a loving, caring husband. Having stablility in my life is also key. I think anyone with two brain cells can go out and work their ass off and make dollar but its a real challenge to have a family.

Thanks for everyone that took the time and effort to contact me. Some of them were really challenging! Hope everyone had a good weekend.

Alex The Cocaine Dealer Pt 1

One night, Bambi, Boy Bank Hunk and I were out with a few other people. We were in our usual Tuesday night spot, drinking, dancing and coked off our faces. Everything was normal, until we needed more drugs. Bambi ran off to find a dealer as it was her forte to do and I went to go see him and make the exchange. He led me and another girl, whom he said was his girlfriend into the bathroom and took the bag out. He racked up three lines and afterwards shoved his tongue down my mouth. Being in a small cubicle with two other people and grams of cocaine in my pocket meant that I couldn't do much, so I made my excuses and left. A few hours later and Boy Bank Hunk wants us and Swedish Boy to come back to the flat he shared with The Womanizer and continue with the party.

As we got ready to get into the car, BBH spotted Alex, the dealer I had met in the toilet earlier. He told him to jump in the cab with us and come back for the party. At the flat, TW was asleep and was soon woken up by BBH. When he finally walked into the room, in a half woken trance, he said hello to everyone but me. It had been just over 2 weeks since he told me there was no room for me in his life and I had no intentions of speaking to him. As everyone sat around drinking endless shots of vodka, smoking and snorting the heaps on cocaine everywhere, I sat with Swedish Boy. Although I had only known him for 2 weeks, we had bonded very closely as friends and he was due to go back to Sweden to be with his girlfriend. Bambi was sitting on the other side of the room with The Womanizer and BBH had fallen asleep, in need of a power nap.

Eventually TW came over and said hello and tried to grab some attention but at this point, I was too busy trying to shove as much shit up my nose as I could that I didnt care. In the kitchen, Alex and his helper has raked up line after line and decided to start their morning distribution gig which they would of done if they were at home. I sat in the corner, watching them, being polite and asking questions about where they were from and how they know the boys. Alex made it clear that he was interested in Bambi earlier in the night and when she had refused his advances, he turned his attention onto me.

Seeing the fact that I was in TW's flat, steps away from the bed we used to sleep in and seconds away from him in the other room, I freaked out when Alex tried to kiss me again. I made my excuses and left the room. He followed me and pinned me up against the wall, kissing my neck, trying to get me worked up. As I pushed him away, I told him I was with someone else and he should leave me alone. I went off and sat with Swedish Boy while Alex went over and spoke to The Womanizer.

Apparently Alex asked TW what was the quickest way of getting me into bed to which TW replied it wasn't going to happen so he should just leave me alone. Alex walked off in a mood and I told TW I was tired and was going to take a bath. While I was soaking in poor heaven of fluffy bubbles and wetness, Alex had tried to hit on Bambi again and asked TW why she had knocked him back again. The Womanizer replied he didn't know but threw in that he had slept with Bambi in the summer and that he had been with me for the last few months.

What neither of the boys had told us was how they knew Alex and how what The Womanizer had just said was going to change the whole mood of the night.

I should of just stayed in that bath really.

Who Are They? WHO Are They?

Over the last few weeks, there has been an alarming amount of emails in my inbox (which I am still to reply to, I am sorry, Im in Espana, theres cute guys and sunshine galore, I find it very hard to concentrate on writing) about the characters in this blog. Lets face it, there´s been a few and even I sometimes get confused about them. Only the other day, I called The Womanizer by this fictious name rather than his real one. It was highly amusing.

Nevertheless, here is a list of characters which have either been mentioned previously or will be mention in the forthcoming posts. This list will be updated on a regulary basis so keep up...you might be missing out on juicy secrets!

Alex The Coke Dealer - Sworn enemy of Boy Band Hunk and The Womanizer. Once he had The Russians try and kidnap TW. Took a fancy to Mia and when she knocked him back, he threatened to kill her and pinned her up against the wall. That night, their rivarly was re-ignited.

Artisty Muse – One of the few people Mia has managed to get close to without ever meeting or speaking to. The girlfriend of one of her best friends in Barcelona, Mia has spent endless hours speaking to her online after his death. Artisty Muse is one of the most amazing women Mia has encountered and is waiting until the day they met. They both have similar taste in men and believe in the “love them and leave them” concept.

Angry Mum - The safety blanket that always keeps Mia warm. Watch out though, because this women has a mouth and isn't afraid to use it. This is one bitch you do not want to cross.

Boy Bank Hunk – Best friends with Mia’s ex The Womanizer. Mia briefly lived with him in the winter of 2008 and instantly fell in love with him the night they met. Unbelievable gorgeous, he was eye candy to Mia’s eyes for many months. Although nothing ever happened between them, Mia admires him from afar.

Bambi – Mia met Bambi in Barcelona last year. They quickly became best friends and Mia moved in 3 days after they met. These two bring out the best in each other but also the worst. Between them, they conquered most of the men in town and left with unbelievable reputations. People that hadn’t even met the girls yet know who they were. Currently living in Gran Canarias, the girls still talk every day and recently met up for a messy weekend in Barcelona, where once again, they took over the city by storm.

Country Bumpkin – Best friends with Mia’s old college friend. Two years younger than Mia, the strain of their separate worlds meant they never really worked out. He refused to visit Mia in London and she couldn’t adapt to country life. They randomly kept in touch through emails and texts when Mia broke up with Vain Man and since she moved back from Barcelona, they have regularly been texted each other. A few months ago while Mia was living in London, after not seeing each other for 4 years, they went out for a drink which ended in a full blown date. They both had a better time than they did when they were together. Mia is currently unsure as to what is happening with this situation but he continues to text her on a regular basis despite her now living in Spain.

Control Freak – A brief relationship with Control Freak ended after merely 4 days when he tried to tell Mia what clothes to wear, how to talk and whom to be friends with. At the time, Mia was trying to overcome her feelings for The Womanizer and thought it would be a good idea to be with someone else until one day she got fed up, dumped him via email and went out to get drunk with Boy Bank Hunk. The last time they saw each other, they had mad passionate sex in a hotel room after a drunken night out. Mia woke up the next morning with a bad hangover and a big bump on her head from where he had thrown her up against the mirror. That was the last she saw of him. She has since heard that he has moved back into his ex-girlfriends house and plans to marry her this year.

Corrupted Lawyer – One of Mia’s closest friends. They lost contact after leaving school but became firm friends again after finding each other on Facebook a few years ago. Without him, Mia is not sure where she would be. There have been moments where she has struggled to get out of bed in the morning after having her heart broken but he has always been there for her. One of the rare men that she has met in her life that completely blows her away, he is a true gent and an amazing guy. He also is the only person who has gotten Mia so drunk, she has committed some ridiculous acts of social behaviour. In the last 3 years, they have not spent one sober night out. Mia calls him in times of need to ask him for legal advice regarding her extra curricular activities in car parks.

Croat – Mia’s oldest friend spanning 20 years. This relationship has seen its ups and downs. Through out high school, Mia had the biggest crush on him until she realized it would never happen. These days, they remain good friends and although they don’t see each other as much as they wish they did, when they do, its like they never stopped talking.

DJ – The first housemate Mia lived with in Barcelona. Mia also happened to work with him…and his on/off lover. Within hours of meeting and moving in together, they made the mistake of jumping into bed for a drunken fumble. The next 3 months were difficult and Mia soon got bored of being in a messy triangle and moved out. She has since learnt that he slept with his best friend and his on/off lover left and moved back to London.

Dominatrix Girl – Used to live next door to Mia many years ago. They formed a strong friendship after Mia locked herself out of the house one night and needed to borrow a ladder to climb through the front bedroom window. Dominatrix Girl is the opposite of Mia, being very organized in her life, knowing what she wants and then going for it. Although a good influence, she does have tendencies to corrupt Mia on girls’ nights out. Dominatrix Girl however, is not a Dominatrix but trade but rather enjoys a good night of fetish dressing up and spanking. Mia has not seen her for over a year and will be soon catching up to cause havoc one more time.

Disappointed Dad - only slightly insaner than Mia herself. Seems to spend alot of his time lecturing Mia and constantly telling her how disappointed he is with her lifestyle choices.

Foreign Brother - the oldest of Mia's brothers, he lives in Amsterdam with his Latina wife and two gorgeous kids. His method is tough life. Always bringing Mia down a peg or two.

Nightclub Crawler – Mia’s first real boyfriend. They met in a local club where she stepped on his foot and bullied him all night until he paid her attention and swapped numbers. They dated for 15 months before Mia found out he cheated on her and walked out. Today they have remained friends and Mia often calls him when she needs to a shoulder to cry on.

Playboy Brother - the youngest of the bunch. Quiet and keeps himself to himself, never showing emotion. Mia compares him to Dexter often. He is also the playboy out of the brothers and constantly refuses to admit the existence of his girlfriend, whom hes been with for 5 years. Mia admires him very much so for this.

Race Car Boy – A friend of a friend through the driving circle. Mia met him many years ago when he had a girlfriend and when Mia refused to be involved with men with girlfriends. He recently contacted her on Facebook and after pursued her endlessly until she gave into him and agreed to go out with him for a drink. Mia had forgotten how attractive he was and was blown away by his lisp. This was a case of “wham, bam. Thank You Sir”. He has since contacted Mia on numerous occasions which she has refused to acknowledge.

Race Car Girl – One of Mia’s best friends until RCG slept with Mia´s ex. Had a tendency to be really possessive and needed to always know what Mia was doing. Was never happy with Mia having a boyfriend and wanted to go out every weekend. Mia secretly thinks Race Car Girl might have been jealous of her

Smart Brother - Mia's middle brother. The brains in the family, currently at one of Prestigious universities in the country, doing the "Prime Minister's" degree. Mia has money on her brother being the first Asian PM.

Sensible Boy - Good friends with TW. Mia adopted him as a big brother after she stop seeing TW, although it meant she still had to be on her best behaviour. They lived together briefly in the winter of 2008 with Chris. Sensible Boy recently moved home after deciding Barcelona was too much for him. Mia has not seen or spoken to him for months.

Slutty Bitch - An old work colleague of Mia´s that went out with Vain Man before she did. Mia soon realised how much of a slutty bitch she was and started to feel sorry for her. She was one of those women who had to have a man in her life to feel alive. Over the last few years, Mia has learnt about 50 men she has slept with. Today, she lives alone...more than likely in a shoe with a cat or two

Stoner Boy - Bambi´s fuck buddy and best friends with TW. Mia looked up to SB and thought the world of him until she realised how much of a bastard he was when he was exposed of spreading The Clap. One night, she confronted him of his reckless behaviour and they had a massive argument. Since Mia has been back, she has seen him out and about but they will never be the same again.

Swedish Hunk - Mia has only known Swedish Hunk before he moved back to Sweden. They became close when they realised that they both had a problem with the white stuff and Mia made sure he stayed clean before he went home to his lovely girlfriend. Now, nearly a year later, she has formed a strong friendship with his girlfriend, whom she speaks to every few days and is looking forward to seeing them both later this year.

Traveler – Mia met Traveler the same night she met Nighclub Crawler. For a few months she was seeing both of them. He was one of the few “gentlemen” Mia has met who had old school manner. Traveler has since worked as a PR in Ibiza and became a womanizer. They have kept in touch over the last 6 years and have continued their fuck buddy status whenever he has been in the country and she has been single. He is currently living in New Zealand with his lovely girlfriend whom Mia likes very much.

The Womanizer – The toxic ex from Barcelona whom Mia has had a love-hate relationship with. Older, richer and sexy as hell – bad combination. He came up to Mia outside his girlfriend’s restaurant and asked her to have a drink with him. For 7 months, they spent most of their time trying to classify what they were to each other until Mia had enough and walked away. These days, he is back to his normal self, being a Womanizer and causing havoc in the streets. Although they no longer talk, its pretty obvious that when they do cross paths again, they will end up in bed, just like they always used to.

The Spartan – Exotic looking hunk that Mia met when she was on a break from Vain Man. Possibly the closest man she has met that made her feel happy. They both share similar passions and want the same things in life. They briefly dated for a few months back in 2006 until Mia decided to get back together with Vain Man. They then continued to date for another year or so after she walked out on Vain Man. In 2008, The Spartan went travelling for a few months and Mia moved to Barcelona. She then persuaded him to move over with her but left him to pursue her infatuation with The Womanizer. Mia decided to move back to London, in the spring of 2009 to be with The Spartan again but unfortunately their relationship was short lived. Mia has had no contact with him for a few months now but understands that he is travelling around America this summer.

Tiger – Tiger is older than most of Mia’s friends. Mia tends to avoid the older generation as it usually involved discussions of marriage, mortgages and babies. Something she is avoiding for as long as possible. Tiger is one of the nicest guys Mia has me. They have had many drunken nights out together and Mia enjoys when he calls her up in the middle of the night. They play hangman and nougats and crosses on the phone. Don’t ask how. He is one of the few people she contacted when she was back in Barcelona.

Vain Man - Mia´s ex husband. He cheated on her constantly until one day she had enough and left. They havent spoken for nearly 2 years and Mia likes it this way. She hopes he burns in hell.

Nor Here Nor There

I moved to Barcelona last wednesday. Did you know that? It was possibly one of the most difficult decisions I have made in my life, possibly more difficult than deciding to move here in the first place. You see, I moved to Barcelona last June. I met The Womanizer, I drank too much, partied too much, did way too many drugs and the only way to get away from him and all the madness was to move back to London. Did it work? Did it fuck.

After promising my family I wouldnt ever move back here, I left without saying goodbye and jumped on the plane. I havent spoke to my parents since. The truth is, when you immigrate from your own country and move to somewhere where the cultural shock is completely opposite to where you grew up, its very hard to go back to what you knew.

After spending 10 months in Spain where time is no concept and you can get hamburgers and beer at half 6 in the morning on the way to work, to moving to London where you have to be in a restaurant by half 9 to get a meal was a major shocker. All my friends had stayed in the same little circle, going to the shitty local clubs, falling out of cabs and into arms of strangers. Whereas as I had seen more to the world, saw countless sunrises on the Med, met stunningly gorgeous men, partied til I couldnt take anymore, explored Gaudi, ate Paella with the locals and made a complete nuisance of myself.

The reality of it was, I outgrew where I came from. I made mistakes, I fell for the wrong guy, I made myself ill by doing too many drugs, I made friends, I lost friends, I starved, I cried, I laughed but most of all, I lived. The six or so months I was in London, I wasnt living. I was exisitng. I was trying to pretend to be something and someone I wasnt and it drove me insane.

For the first time this year, I am free from any man in my life, free to any judgements made by family members and it feels fantastic. I´ve always thought of London as home. I am and always will be a proud Londoner, born and breed but when I stepped off that plane late last Wednesday night, I realised for now, Barcelona is more home than anywhere else.

Until my next post, hasta pronto!

STOP PRESS*** August only means one thing...my birthday is around the corner. Next Saturdays post will be a personal inside to moi (of course!) so you can ask me anything you wish. Remember, thats only another 8 days to go. You can either leave your question(s) - there are no limits in the comments below or email me at missmiadickinsonATgmailDOTcom.